The Official Joke thread

condor · 12th August 2008, 10:55

Quote:

anjan_c2007

: (2)You see a gorgeous girl at a party.You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!" ...

@anjan, they seem to be slow to catch-up. Check these :
http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/266706-post1405.html
http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/258798-post1339.html
http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/153200-post743.html

Pls check before you post ! Thanks.

hkanitkar · 12th August 2008, 12:11

Just got this in a sms :

We live in a funny nation, where Pizza reaches home faster than the Ambulance or police.

Lighter joke, but a bitter truth !

sathee46 · 14th August 2008, 20:56

Guess were he's heading

DriverR · 18th August 2008, 09:18

In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem.
One day one fellow met the great philosopher and said, "Do you know what I just heard about your friend?"
"Hold on a minute," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."
"Triple filter?"
"That's right," Socrates continued.
"Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say. That's why I call it the triple filter test.
The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and..."
"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't know if it's true or not.Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?"
"No, on the contrary..."
"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, but you're not certain it's true. You may still pass the test though, because there's one filter left: the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?"
"No, not really."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?" This is why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

........... This is also why Socrates never found out that his friend was having an affair with his wife!

speedzak · 20th August 2008, 10:59

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now what are you asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you, Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's whose name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?

condor · 20th August 2008, 11:10

Quote:

speedzak

: ... What's happening?

Hey Zak : what's happening is Repeats, 3 yrs later. Check this :

http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/96024-post274.html

blue_pulsar · 20th August 2008, 13:51

I think I have the mp3 of zak's post (#3115)

Sam Kapasi · 20th August 2008, 14:06

I think Condi is related to Condor.

ajmat · 20th August 2008, 14:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sam Kapasi

I think Condi is related to Condor.

whatever the case - Zak has been condored!

condor · 20th August 2008, 15:09

Quote:

Sam Kapasi

: I think Condi is related to Condor.

Sam - that's an intresting new dimension.

Check this pic, and compare to the one in the link :

Condoleezza Rice Cartoons
(Cartoon image from CartoonStock web-site not posted here because of copyright notice on the image. I am referring to the second cartoon on this page).

Quote:

ajmat

: ... Zak has been condored!

Was waiting for some one else to come up with that term ... rather than bringing it up myself

!

Note: Pic of the California Condor is taken from : Condors - info and games

whitesquall · 20th August 2008, 15:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by speedmiester

The original SUV

Eco-friendly exhaust system!!

thanks man!

BaCkSeAtDrIVeR · 20th August 2008, 18:30

Quote:

ajmat

: ... Zak has been condored!

Was waiting for some one else to come up with that term ... rather than bringing it up myself!

Boy!! Just imagine TheMullah like that condor!!!

speedzak · 20th August 2008, 18:49

Aaaaahhhhh!!! Come on!
Condor, that one doesn't have enough hair on the face nor head. So, how can it be compared my holy Kop???

condor · 20th August 2008, 22:29

Zak, looks like you are still shell shocked after my earlier post !

Could I ever do something like that to you ?

.. The later post was about Condi (Rice) and the California Condor - trying to illustrate cartoonically, what Sam said.

Oh yes, you could fire your post at our dear B_S_D, though !!

autopsyche · 21st August 2008, 00:01

A few Michael Phelps Funnies:

If Michael Phelps has 12 Olympic gold medals and you have 12 Olympic gold medals. Phelps has more gold medals then you.

Michael Phelps doesnt swim he wins.

Michael Phelps plays the Shark in all Jaws films.

Michael Phelps use to play as Mitch Buchannon in the Baywatch series but was replace by David Hasslehoff as Phelps managed to save everyone and screw all the female Lifeguards in 1 episode.

Michael Phelps found Nemo.

Michael Phelps can swim in the bath.

Michael Phelps does not fear a Mages Water elemental he swims through it.

Michael Phelps can swim up Mt Everest.

When you see a shooting star, its actually Michael Phelps swimming laps through space.

14th August 2008, 20:56	#3123
sathee46 BHPian Join Date: May 2008 Location: Chennai Posts: 465 Thanked: 8 Times View My Garage	Guess were he's heading Attached Thumbnails

20th August 2008, 22:29	#3134
condor Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Speed-brkr City Posts: 16,240 Thanked: 16,893 Times View My Garage	Zak, looks like you are still shell shocked after my earlier post ! Could I ever do something like that to you ? .. The later post was about Condi (Rice) and the California Condor - trying to illustrate cartoonically, what Sam said. Oh yes, you could fire your post at our dear B_S_D, though !! Last edited by condor : 20th August 2008 at 22:44.

12th August 2008, 12:11	#3122
hkanitkar BHPian Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: pune Posts: 668 Thanked: 110 Times View My Garage	Just got this in a sms : We live in a funny nation, where Pizza reaches home faster than the Ambulance or police. Lighter joke, but a bitter truth !

18th August 2008, 09:18	#3124
DriverR BHPian Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Hyderabad Posts: 415 Thanked: 526 Times	In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem. One day one fellow met the great philosopher and said, "Do you know what I just heard about your friend?" "Hold on a minute," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test." "Triple filter?" "That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say. That's why I call it the triple filter test. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" "No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and..." "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't know if it's true or not.Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?" "No, on the contrary..." "So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, but you're not certain it's true. You may still pass the test though, because there's one filter left: the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?" "No, not really." "Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?" This is why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. ........... This is also why Socrates never found out that his friend was having an affair with his wife!

20th August 2008, 10:59	#3125
speedzak BANNED Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: India Posts: 4,346 Thanked: 29 Times	George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening? Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China. George: Great. Lay it on me. Condi: Hu is the new leader of China. George: That's what I want to know. Condi: That's what I'm telling you. George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China? Condi: Yes. George: I mean the fellow's name. Condi: Hu. George: The new leader of China. Condi: Hu. George: The Chinaman! Condi: Hu is leading China. George: Now what are you asking me for? Condi: I'm telling you, Hu is leading China. George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China? Condi: That's the man's name. George: That's whose name? Condi: Yes. George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China? Condi: Yes, sir. George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East. Condi: That's correct. George: Then who is in China? Condi: Yes, sir. George: Yassir is in China? Condi: No, sir. George: Then who is? Condi: Yes, sir. George: Yassir? Condi: No, sir. George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone. Condi: Kofi? George: No, thanks. Condi: You want Kofi? George: No. Condi: You don't want Kofi. George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N. Condi: Yes, sir. George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N. Condi: Kofi? George: Milk! Will you please make the call? Condi: And call who? George: Who is the guy at the U.N? Condi: Hu is the guy in China. George: Will you stay out of China?! Condi: Yes, sir. George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N. Condi: Kofi. George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone. (Condi picks up the phone.) Condi: Rice, here. George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?

20th August 2008, 13:51	#3127
blue_pulsar Senior - BHPian Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Bangalore Posts: 1,113 Thanked: 408 Times	I think I have the mp3 of zak's post (#3115)

20th August 2008, 14:06	#3128
Sam Kapasi Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Mumbai (but wat Posts: 6,935 Thanked: 2,480 Times View My Garage	I think Condi is related to Condor.

20th August 2008, 18:49	#3133
speedzak BANNED Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: India Posts: 4,346 Thanked: 29 Times	Aaaaahhhhh!!! Come on! Condor, that one doesn't have enough hair on the face nor head. So, how can it be compared my holy Kop???

21st August 2008, 00:01	#3135
autopsyche Senior - BHPian Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: New Delhi, Indi Posts: 1,511 Thanked: 36 Times View My Garage	A few Michael Phelps Funnies: If Michael Phelps has 12 Olympic gold medals and you have 12 Olympic gold medals. Phelps has more gold medals then you. Michael Phelps doesnt swim he wins. Michael Phelps plays the Shark in all Jaws films. Michael Phelps use to play as Mitch Buchannon in the Baywatch series but was replace by David Hasslehoff as Phelps managed to save everyone and screw all the female Lifeguards in 1 episode. Michael Phelps found Nemo. Michael Phelps can swim in the bath. Michael Phelps does not fear a Mages Water elemental he swims through it. Michael Phelps can swim up Mt Everest. When you see a shooting star, its actually Michael Phelps swimming laps through space.