The Official Joke thread

Scorcher · 25th January 2012, 15:26

Now that's Jenga!

Couldn't help but imagine the expression on the cop's face when he realized what he just locked his speed gun onto

m_upreti · 25th January 2012, 17:18

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scorcher

Now that's Jenga!

Couldn't help but imagine the expression on the cop's face when he realized what he just locked his speed gun onto

This beats everything, lucky for the cops that system was intelligent enough.

Irish · 25th January 2012, 17:30

Wrong pronunciations can be very optimistic at times.

My physics teacher always told us that "babes are coming in your semester examinations".

At semester exams, I realized that he meant "waves".

Cheers!
Irish

Warwithwheels · 25th January 2012, 18:59

This is India Inc for you!

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake
himself for a financial genius.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the
market keeps crashing.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets
equally between themselves.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use

Warwithwheels · 25th January 2012, 19:47

The teacher gave an assignment to her fifth grade class : Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved.

But then the teacher realised that only Aman was left. "Aman, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mummy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher,

What did your daddy tell you was the moral to

this horrible story ?

"Stay way from mummy when she's drunk" Aman Said...!!

Scorcher · 25th January 2012, 20:35

Two Men in US were eating Hotdog for the first time.

First Man opens the bread, looks inside, feels embarrassed and asked second Man,
"Which part of the Dog did you get?"

Anand123 · 25th January 2012, 22:19

A new CEO takes over at a struggling company and decides to get rid of all the slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. He can't believe this guy would just stand around on the job.

The new CEO walks up to the guy leaning against the wall and asks, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm just waiting to get paid," responds the man.

Furious, the CEO asks "How much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young fellow replies, "I make about $300 a week. Why?"

The CEO quickly gets out his checkbook, hands the guy a check made out to cash for $1,200 and says, "Here's four weeks' pay, now get out and don't come back."

The man puts the check in his pocket and promptly walks out.

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what just happened here?"

From across the room comes a voice, "Yeah, you just tipped the pizza delivery guy $1,200."

BaCkSeAtDrIVeR · 26th January 2012, 16:26

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scorcher

Now that's Jenga!

Couldn't help but imagine the expression on the cop's face when he realized what he just locked his speed gun onto

Not exactly Condored, but ...

http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/shifti...ml#post2224454

That one happened in Texas, US of A. So not really a repeat post, right?

Fordmanchau · 26th January 2012, 20:22

We have all copied many a pics from Facebook for our Joke thread!!
Now finally we contribute to it and say thank you!!
Look here, there's one pic taken from TBHP. Our payback to Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?f...type=1&theater

sachinj12 · 26th January 2012, 21:02

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fordmanchau

We have all copied many a pics from Facebook for our Joke thread!!
Now finally we contribute to it and say thank you!!
Look here, there's one pic taken from TBHP. Our payback to Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?f...type=1&theater

Condored

.

I have used many pics from here on my FB wall

bluevolt · 26th January 2012, 21:23

Breaking News: Australia and England agree to stop playing each other. Ashes winner to be decided based on who beats India by bigger margin.

Anand123 · 26th January 2012, 23:02

Wish we could do this...

Note from Team BHP Support-Team: Although it's genuinely funny, Team BHP does not allow posts that consist of political-overtones as it's a highly-sensitive topic. Please refrain from posting such images in the future. Thanks!

_raVan_ · 27th January 2012, 08:47

For the people surviving the sudden cold wave

The Official Joke thread-395098_10150648149504418_341671804417_12050572_1635865170_n.jpg

Translated: Give me your purse, else I will throw this cold water on you!

Irish · 27th January 2012, 12:48

If you marry one woman, she will fight WITH YOU.
But, if you marry 2 women, they will fight FOR YOU!

Choice is yours!

Disclaimer: This is just to add humor in your lives, please don't try this in your real lives.

Cheers!
Irish

mitrajdeep · 27th January 2012, 12:53

Another one from facebook.

25th January 2012, 15:26	#6361
Scorcher Senior - BHPian Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Trivandrum, KL Posts: 4,918 Thanked: 7,124 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Now that's Jenga! Couldn't help but imagine the expression on the cop's face when he realized what he just locked his speed gun onto Attached Thumbnails Last edited by Scorcher : 25th January 2012 at 15:27.

25th January 2012, 17:30	#6363
Irish BHPian Join Date: May 2009 Location: India Posts: 603 Thanked: 652 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Wrong pronunciations can be very optimistic at times. My physics teacher always told us that "babes are coming in your semester examinations". At semester exams, I realized that he meant "waves". Cheers! Irish Last edited by Irish : 25th January 2012 at 17:50.

25th January 2012, 18:59	#6364
Warwithwheels Senior - BHPian Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: India Posts: 1,348 Thanked: 1,739 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread This is India Inc for you! CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use

25th January 2012, 19:47	#6365
Warwithwheels Senior - BHPian Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: India Posts: 1,348 Thanked: 1,739 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread The teacher gave an assignment to her fifth grade class : Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realised that only Aman was left. "Aman, do you have a story to share?" "Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mummy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands." "Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher, What did your daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story ? "Stay way from mummy when she's drunk" Aman Said...!!

25th January 2012, 20:35	#6366
Scorcher Senior - BHPian Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Trivandrum, KL Posts: 4,918 Thanked: 7,124 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Two Men in US were eating Hotdog for the first time. First Man opens the bread, looks inside, feels embarrassed and asked second Man, "Which part of the Dog did you get?" Last edited by .anshuman : 27th January 2012 at 11:53. Reason: Post edited to remove reference to people from a particular community. Thanks

25th January 2012, 22:19	#6367
Anand123 Senior - BHPian Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: KL-01 Posts: 2,297 Thanked: 5,225 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread A new CEO takes over at a struggling company and decides to get rid of all the slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. He can't believe this guy would just stand around on the job. The new CEO walks up to the guy leaning against the wall and asks, "What are you doing here?" "I'm just waiting to get paid," responds the man. Furious, the CEO asks "How much money do you make a week?" A little surprised, the young fellow replies, "I make about $300 a week. Why?" The CEO quickly gets out his checkbook, hands the guy a check made out to cash for $1,200 and says, "Here's four weeks' pay, now get out and don't come back." The man puts the check in his pocket and promptly walks out. Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what just happened here?" From across the room comes a voice, "Yeah, you just tipped the pizza delivery guy $1,200."

26th January 2012, 20:22	#6369
Fordmanchau Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Hyderabad Posts: 1,666 Thanked: 340 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread We have all copied many a pics from Facebook for our Joke thread!! Now finally we contribute to it and say thank you!! Look here, there's one pic taken from TBHP. Our payback to Facebook https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?f...type=1&theater

26th January 2012, 21:23	#6371
bluevolt Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: New Delhi Posts: 3,274 Thanked: 3,474 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread Breaking News: Australia and England agree to stop playing each other. Ashes winner to be decided based on who beats India by bigger margin. Last edited by bluevolt : 26th January 2012 at 21:26.

26th January 2012, 23:02	#6372
Anand123 Senior - BHPian Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: KL-01 Posts: 2,297 Thanked: 5,225 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Wish we could do this... Note from Team BHP Support-Team: Although it's genuinely funny, Team BHP does not allow posts that consist of political-overtones as it's a highly-sensitive topic. Please refrain from posting such images in the future. Thanks! Last edited by suhaas307 : 27th January 2012 at 01:12.

27th January 2012, 08:47	#6373
_raVan_ Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Pune Posts: 1,074 Thanked: 660 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread For the people surviving the sudden cold wave Translated: Give me your purse, else I will throw this cold water on you!

27th January 2012, 12:48	#6374
Irish BHPian Join Date: May 2009 Location: India Posts: 603 Thanked: 652 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread If you marry one woman, she will fight WITH YOU. But, if you marry 2 women, they will fight FOR YOU! Choice is yours! Disclaimer: This is just to add humor in your lives, please don't try this in your real lives. Cheers! Irish Last edited by Irish : 27th January 2012 at 12:51.

27th January 2012, 12:53	#6375
mitrajdeep BHPian Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Calcutta Posts: 135 Thanked: 95 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Another one from facebook. Attached Thumbnails