The Official Joke thread

Irish · 9th February 2012, 11:16

Valentine Cards

Girl to Shopkeeper: "Bhaiya Valentine card hai jisme likha ho- 'YOU ARE ONLY MY 1ST & LAST LOVE...?'
Shopkeeper: "Ha hai."
Girl : "Thik hai...20 de do"

English Translation

Girl to Shopkeeper: "Do you have Valentine card which has the message- 'YOU ARE ONLY MY 1ST & LAST LOVE...?'
Shopkeeper: "Yes, we have."
Girl : "Okay. Give me 20 please."

Bags of Girls and Boys

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Very TRUE!

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Cheers!
Irish

ramneek009 · 9th February 2012, 11:17

How to kill a woman?

give her ARMANI dress
DIAMOND jewellery
MAC cosmetics
LOUIS VUITTON bag
GUCCI shoes
n lock her in a room without mirror

TADAP TADAP KE MAR JAYEGI

Irish · 9th February 2012, 12:28

Two Ladies Fighting For A Seat In A Bus.
Bus Conductor: "The older one should sit here."
Both looked at each other and the seat remained empty.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

American: "Hamare paas MADONA, JULIA, BRITNEY jaise Item BOMB hai…. tumhare paas kya hai?"
Indian: "Hamare paas IMRAN HASMI jaise BOMB DEFUSER hai !!"

English Translation

American: "We have Item BOMBS like MADONA, JULIA, BRITNEY. What do you have?"
Indian: "We have got BOMB DEFUSER like IMRAN HASHMI !!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chai wala: "Bholi si surat, Ankho me masti, door khadi sharmaye... HAY HAAYE !"
Girl replied: "Kaali si surat, Haath me ketli, Door khada chillaye... CHAY CHAYE !!"

MODS: These are the lyrics of a Hindi song. It won't be joke, if translated in english.

Cheers!
Irish

dhanushs · 9th February 2012, 12:59

Go save some money guys!

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Anand123 · 9th February 2012, 12:59

Probably one of the funniest and smartest Indian print advertisement ever.
Source: Some Wonderful Vintage Ads from India | Facebook

m_upreti · 9th February 2012, 13:34

Quote:

Originally Posted by mitrajdeep

This is really great. Try it.

This was really amazing....

ramzsys · 9th February 2012, 14:16

Extremely serious, yet, funny ad.

FORD IKON 1.8 NXT DIESELPOWERED WITH MOBIL 1 & JBLZOOOOM - Vadodara - Cars - Manjalpur

Scorcher · 9th February 2012, 14:48

A man in a book store.

Man: Do You have a book called, "Husband, the master of Wife"?

Sales Girl : Sir, Fantasy and Comic section is on the 1st floor!

msdivy · 9th February 2012, 14:51

Quote:

Originally Posted by download2live

Of course its ToI. So take it with a pinch of salt.

Thats true. His constituency didn't have power when all channels were beaming the news. Also the next morning, his supporters bought all the newspapers of all languages meant for his constituency.

Scarlet_Rider · 9th February 2012, 15:31

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere!

mayankk · 9th February 2012, 15:35

All across the kingdom, the news travelled quickly that the
Queen’s bell-ringer, who faithfully served the royal family for
decades, had passed. The Queen made the royal decree that she was
looking for someone to come and take his place.

The next day, a humble peasant was first in the long line of
applicants for the job. “My Queen,” he entreated her, “since I was a
youth, I have always wanted to serve our kingdom and the royal family
in this way. Let me be your bell-ringer, and I will serve in earnest
all the days of my life.”

The Queen appreciated the peasant’s words, but was puzzled. “My
humble servant, I have but one question: how can you serve the kingdom
as the royal bell-ringer? You don’t have any arms!”

The peasant smiled and said simply, “Take me to the tower and I
will show you.”

The Queen, her entourage, and the peasant climbed the steps of
the bell tower until they reached the top. The peasant looked over his
shoulder at the queen, “Behold!” And with that, the peasant ran to the
far side of the room, spun around and ran directly at the bell. Faster
and faster he ran then leapt, flew through the air, and–WHAM!–hit the
bell full-force with his face.

Stunned, the Queen hesitated. But, when she heard the bell peal
as never before, she told the peasant, “the position is yours.”

Weeks went by as the peasant served faithfully and punctually,
and always in the same way: he would run across the room, spin around,
charge directly at the bell, leap, and–WHAM!–hit the bell full-force
with his face.

Until, that is, one fateful morning when the peasant woke up
late. Certain he could still make it in time, he ran from his common
home, tore across the kingdom, scrambled up the tower, across the
room, spun, leapt and…missed the bell entirely! He instead flew across
the room, out the nearby window and plummeted a thousand feet to his
death.

Having heard the commotion, the castle guards ran upstairs to
find the empty room. They looked out the window to find a crowd
gathering around the peasant’s body. The one guard looks at each other
and says, “My God–that poor man! Have you any idea who he is?”

The other:

(wait for it!)

“I don’t know, but his face rings a bell.”

bluevolt · 9th February 2012, 16:27

Husband texts to wife on cell..

"Hi,what are you doing Darling?"

Wife: I'm dying..!

Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without you?"

Wife: "you idiot! I'm dying my hair.."

Husband: "Bloody English Language!

libranof1987 · 9th February 2012, 16:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluevolt

Husband texts to wife on cell..

"Hi,what are you doing Darling?"

Wife: I'm dying..!

Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without you?"

Wife: "you idiot! I'm dying my hair.."

Husband: "Bloody English Language!

Sorry to break your bubble buddy but for "dying" the hair; it would be dyeing the hair.

Technically speaking, the husband ain't at fault for being happy

Joke cancel.

Latheesh · 9th February 2012, 17:08

Happy dog.. or practicing Yoga?

SwiftSD · 9th February 2012, 19:09

Man sitting at the Airport lounge for his flight.

Announcement1: Passengers of Flight no AXY1 are requested to proceed to gate no. 2 for security check.

The man starts proceeding towards gate 2.

Announcement2: A slight changed for Passengers of Flight no AXY1 . They are now requested to proceed to gate no. 6 for security check. Inconvenience regretted.

Since gate 6 was at the other end of the Airport the man turned back and started heading towards gate 6.

Announcement3 (10 mins after announcement 2) : Attention Passengers of Flight no AXY1 . You are requested to proceed to gate no. 2 for security check as per the initial announcement. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Man turns around again , angry and irritated and then starts moving towards gate 2.

As he starts nearing gate 2 another announcement comes up:

"A big thanks you to all the passengers of Flight no AXY1 for participating in the physical fitness program organized by the airlines"

9th February 2012, 11:16	#6511
Irish BHPian Join Date: May 2009 Location: India Posts: 603 Thanked: 651 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Valentine Cards Girl to Shopkeeper: "Bhaiya Valentine card hai jisme likha ho- 'YOU ARE ONLY MY 1ST & LAST LOVE...?' Shopkeeper: "Ha hai." Girl : "Thik hai...20 de do" English Translation Girl to Shopkeeper: "Do you have Valentine card which has the message- 'YOU ARE ONLY MY 1ST & LAST LOVE...?' Shopkeeper: "Yes, we have." Girl : "Okay. Give me 20 please." Bags of Girls and Boys Very TRUE! Cheers! Irish Last edited by Irish : 9th February 2012 at 11:26.

9th February 2012, 11:17	#6512
ramneek009 BHPian Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: New Delhi Posts: 88 Thanked: 209 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread How to kill a woman? give her ARMANI dress DIAMOND jewellery MAC cosmetics LOUIS VUITTON bag GUCCI shoes n lock her in a room without mirror TADAP TADAP KE MAR JAYEGI

9th February 2012, 12:28	#6513
Irish BHPian Join Date: May 2009 Location: India Posts: 603 Thanked: 651 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Two Ladies Fighting For A Seat In A Bus. Bus Conductor: "The older one should sit here." Both looked at each other and the seat remained empty. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ American: "Hamare paas MADONA, JULIA, BRITNEY jaise Item BOMB hai…. tumhare paas kya hai?" Indian: "Hamare paas IMRAN HASMI jaise BOMB DEFUSER hai !!" English Translation American: "We have Item BOMBS like MADONA, JULIA, BRITNEY. What do you have?" Indian: "We have got BOMB DEFUSER like IMRAN HASHMI !!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Chai wala: "Bholi si surat, Ankho me masti, door khadi sharmaye... HAY HAAYE !" Girl replied: "Kaali si surat, Haath me ketli, Door khada chillaye... CHAY CHAYE !!" MODS: These are the lyrics of a Hindi song. It won't be joke, if translated in english. Cheers! Irish

9th February 2012, 12:59	#6514
dhanushs Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Chennai Posts: 4,092 Thanked: 8,893 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Go save some money guys! Last edited by dhanushs : 9th February 2012 at 13:00.

9th February 2012, 12:59	#6515
Anand123 Senior - BHPian Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Toronto/Kerala Posts: 2,261 Thanked: 4,936 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Probably one of the funniest and smartest Indian print advertisement ever. Source: Some Wonderful Vintage Ads from India \| Facebook Attached Images

9th February 2012, 14:16	#6517
ramzsys Senior - BHPian Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: NH209 Posts: 1,773 Thanked: 1,456 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Extremely serious, yet, funny ad. FORD IKON 1.8 NXT DIESELPOWERED WITH MOBIL 1 & JBLZOOOOM - Vadodara - Cars - Manjalpur

9th February 2012, 14:48	#6518
Scorcher Senior - BHPian Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Trivandrum, KL Posts: 4,910 Thanked: 7,008 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread A man in a book store. Man: Do You have a book called, "Husband, the master of Wife"? Sales Girl : Sir, Fantasy and Comic section is on the 1st floor! Last edited by Scorcher : 9th February 2012 at 14:50.

9th February 2012, 15:31	#6520
Scarlet_Rider BHPian Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Hyderabad Posts: 701 Thanked: 991 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere!

9th February 2012, 15:35	#6521
mayankk Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: New Delhi Posts: 4,998 Thanked: 7,301 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread All across the kingdom, the news travelled quickly that the Queen’s bell-ringer, who faithfully served the royal family for decades, had passed. The Queen made the royal decree that she was looking for someone to come and take his place. The next day, a humble peasant was first in the long line of applicants for the job. “My Queen,” he entreated her, “since I was a youth, I have always wanted to serve our kingdom and the royal family in this way. Let me be your bell-ringer, and I will serve in earnest all the days of my life.” The Queen appreciated the peasant’s words, but was puzzled. “My humble servant, I have but one question: how can you serve the kingdom as the royal bell-ringer? You don’t have any arms!” The peasant smiled and said simply, “Take me to the tower and I will show you.” The Queen, her entourage, and the peasant climbed the steps of the bell tower until they reached the top. The peasant looked over his shoulder at the queen, “Behold!” And with that, the peasant ran to the far side of the room, spun around and ran directly at the bell. Faster and faster he ran then leapt, flew through the air, and–WHAM!–hit the bell full-force with his face. Stunned, the Queen hesitated. But, when she heard the bell peal as never before, she told the peasant, “the position is yours.” Weeks went by as the peasant served faithfully and punctually, and always in the same way: he would run across the room, spin around, charge directly at the bell, leap, and–WHAM!–hit the bell full-force with his face. Until, that is, one fateful morning when the peasant woke up late. Certain he could still make it in time, he ran from his common home, tore across the kingdom, scrambled up the tower, across the room, spun, leapt and…missed the bell entirely! He instead flew across the room, out the nearby window and plummeted a thousand feet to his death. Having heard the commotion, the castle guards ran upstairs to find the empty room. They looked out the window to find a crowd gathering around the peasant’s body. The one guard looks at each other and says, “My God–that poor man! Have you any idea who he is?” The other: (wait for it!) “I don’t know, but his face rings a bell.”

9th February 2012, 16:27	#6522
bluevolt Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: New Delhi Posts: 3,266 Thanked: 3,441 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread Husband texts to wife on cell.. "Hi,what are you doing Darling?" Wife: I'm dying..! Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without you?" Wife: "you idiot! I'm dying my hair.." Husband: "Bloody English Language!

9th February 2012, 17:08	#6524
Latheesh Senior - BHPian Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Mars, Kannur Posts: 4,161 Thanked: 9,477 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Happy dog.. or practicing Yoga? Attached Images

9th February 2012, 19:09	#6525
SwiftSD BHPian Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Kolkata Posts: 105 Thanked: 64 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Man sitting at the Airport lounge for his flight. Announcement1: Passengers of Flight no AXY1 are requested to proceed to gate no. 2 for security check. The man starts proceeding towards gate 2. Announcement2: A slight changed for Passengers of Flight no AXY1 . They are now requested to proceed to gate no. 6 for security check. Inconvenience regretted. Since gate 6 was at the other end of the Airport the man turned back and started heading towards gate 6. Announcement3 (10 mins after announcement 2) : Attention Passengers of Flight no AXY1 . You are requested to proceed to gate no. 2 for security check as per the initial announcement. Sorry for the inconvenience. Man turns around again , angry and irritated and then starts moving towards gate 2. As he starts nearing gate 2 another announcement comes up: "A big thanks you to all the passengers of Flight no AXY1 for participating in the physical fitness program organized by the airlines"

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