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Old 18th August 2010, 14:32   #4291
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Default * office folks you hate

This is so true

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Old 18th August 2010, 14:48   #4292
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Aah!!! Ajmat, every other pic is carrying "Hosted on Team-BHP.com" sign & unable to read the archetype. Could you edit pls?
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Old 18th August 2010, 16:07   #4293
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aargee View Post
Aah!!! Ajmat, every other pic is carrying "Hosted on Team-BHP.com" sign & unable to read the archetype. Could you edit pls?
There won't be the team-bhp watermark appearing in these pictures if you upload a picture with more than 800 pixels resolution for width or height.

One joke I stumbled upon now:
  • Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
  • Witness: "No."
  • Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
  • Witness: "No."
  • Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
  • Witness: "No."
  • Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
  • Witness: "No."
  • Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
  • Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
  • Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
  • Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
Couple more:

Lawyer: "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"

  • Lawyer: "What happened then?"
  • Witness: "He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'"
  • Lawyer: "Did he kill you?"
  • Witness: "No."


Last edited by clevermax : 18th August 2010 at 16:10.
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Old 20th August 2010, 10:48   #4294
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Default Speak in English Only

In case of an emergency, speak only in English !! And never say prayers in any other language; because you never know what kind of translation problem u can run into

An Indian in the US suffered a heart attack on the road and was picked up by an ambulance. Being religious, he kept repeating - "Hari Om, Hari Om, Hari Om"

When the ambulance pulled into his home, his wife came out and screamed to the paramedics: "Why didn't you take him straight to the hospital?'
They replied "Because he kept saying, "Hurry home Hurry home Hurry home!"
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Old 20th August 2010, 16:49   #4295
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Try this,
Your friend owns a car(say hatchback/small sedan).
Say, "Yeh teri gaadi hain?"

"Apne paas isse bhi badi gaadi hain."


"Ek driver hain."


"Ek conductor hain...."



Line-wise translation,
Is this your car?
I have a car which is bigger than yours.
It has a driver.
It has a conductor. (which implies that you travel by bus!)

Last edited by Jayabusa : 20th August 2010 at 16:53.
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Old 20th August 2010, 16:52   #4296
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Originally Posted by vivekiny2k View Post
I play this game all this time, predicting in advance who is going to die now or what is going to be shattered next. Predicting dialogs is fun too.
You are right! Here are my observations on our movie scenes, especially with respect to automobiles.

If cars are parked near a fight scene, one of the goons are sure to be thrown on to the windshield by the hero resulting in the glass being shattered and the goon landing inside the cabin. Of course, he will wake up and fight again more fiercely!

Any time bombs are hurled at cars or time bombs are used, it will invariably result the cars blasting and thrown straight up (only) by at least 20 ft.

You can always "jump" across a broken bridge or any such impediments by simply launching yourself in the driver's seat! There is no need for a slope, even for a big bus to jump across a broken/under construction bridge which are apart by 100 ft or more.

If there is a tunnel chase scene, most likely the hero will take the car to the roof! The horizontal velocity of the car will nullify the gravity.

Overall, in both the points above, gravity seems to be the biggest casualty in movies. Einstein must be rolling around in his grave!

And back in Indian movies, in the climax scene, the villain invariably tries to escape in an Amby. The hero will be all grinning since he can just shoot at the fuel cap and the car will blast and thrown up in air as per the previous point.

Nobody ever drives in and stop the car near a home/office in a normal sane manner. Everybody always drive in at about 80 kmph and breaks suddenly with tyres screeching. Even the engine seems to be in high rev, may be the driver is using all the three pedals simultaneously!

There is no concept of drizzling in movies. It either rains "donkeys and elephants" or no rain. And when it rains, the wipers doesn't seem to have any effect since the water is being poured onto the windshield in buckets!

Anybody can drive away any vehicle parked anywhere. The vehicles are always left unlocked and keys are always present in the fob .

If the hero and his family must escape from a natural hazard such as volcano, earth quake, bomb blast etc in a car, one of the family member, mostly the lead actress, will invariably decide to do something totally irrelevant like kissing, gazing, or picking up something from the ground etc till the "lastest" moment. The disaster will then happen just a few mm behind the car and the hero would fly his car across buildings and other impediments and finally stops in a safe place.

I can continue...
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Old 20th August 2010, 18:43   #4297
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Quote:
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Overall, in both the points above, gravity seems to be the biggest casualty in movies. Einstein must be rolling around in his grave!
you must have meant newton
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Old 20th August 2010, 18:51   #4298
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@Vivekiny2k: Newton has now become a ceiling fan for the way he's turning around in his grave. Give poor Einstein his due.
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Old 20th August 2010, 18:57   #4299
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you must have meant newton
Wow! I actually typed "Edison" the first time. I think Einstein is still better...
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Old 20th August 2010, 19:26   #4300
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Default Graphjam!

Not sure how many of you have seen this website GraphJam. It has got quite a lot of interesting graphical representations. See some samples below.
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Old 20th August 2010, 19:37   #4301
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vasoo View Post
Wow! I actually typed "Edison" the first time. I think Einstein is still better...
Since it's the jokes thread, I guess we can continue this discussion without the fear of being off-topic
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Old 21st August 2010, 00:24   #4302
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vivekiny2k View Post
you must have meant newton
Quote:
Originally Posted by MX6 View Post
@Vivekiny2k: Newton has now become a ceiling fan for the way he's turning around in his grave. Give poor Einstein his due.
Quote:
Originally Posted by vasoo View Post
Wow! I actually typed "Edison" the first time. I think Einstein is still better...
When in doubt, attribute the damn quote to Albert Einstein
~ M.K. Gandhi.
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Old 22nd August 2010, 22:57   #4303
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A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his middle east assignment.
A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"
The salesman explained
"When I got posted in the Middle East , I was very confident that I would make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through three posters.


First poster: A man lying in the hot desert sand...totally exhausted and fainting.

Second poster: The man is drinking our Cola.

Third poster: Our man is now totally refreshed.

And Then these posters were pasted all over the place "Then that should have worked!" said the friend.

"The hell it should had!? said the salesman. I didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left
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Old 22nd August 2010, 23:06   #4304
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Judge: u are crossing your limit.

Lawyer: kaun saala aisa kehta hai?

Judge: how dare u calling me saala?

Lawyer: my lord i said kaun sa law aisa kehta hai...
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Old 23rd August 2010, 13:32   #4305
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Default Then Apple ! Now a Pomogranate ! What's next ?

Dear Partial Gadget Freaks !

Apple Stormed the Phone Market with it's iphone, In future it's going to be a Pomogranate i guess,

(Yes, You have read it right ! Stop Blinking your eyes.

See all for yourself at Pomegranate | NS08

I still cannot believe that this would be possible or already it exists. But interesting

Disclaimer: i am not promoting this product,Nor Related to it.

Last edited by Otomobil : 23rd August 2010 at 13:36.
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