The Official Joke thread

driverace · 26th March 2011, 01:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluevolt

^^^

This is actually height of insult for Aussies

Athiti devo bhava !! ( Guest is God(ly) .. )
Gotta help them rightey?

Anyway,
I am watching this video for a week now!!

Its time I shared this here:

YouTube - Whiteman gone Crazy over Indian Song kehta hai pal pal

Hold your patience for 30 secs, then you will watch it all!!
Sometimes his reactions are same to those of Hritik in Krish!! OMG! LMAO
lolz,

Ace.

khoj · 26th March 2011, 01:53

^^+1

It is good to see the Gere fellow still spreading smiles. Saw this many many moons ago when I was in college or just out of it, wow it has been quite some time can't even recall the timeline correctly. Guess some things are time less.

v&v · 28th March 2011, 09:32

Women VS Men

Woman 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours?
Woman 2: it was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in
three minutes and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?
Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a
romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home
he lit the candles around the house and afterwards talked for an hour.
It was like a fairytale!

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.

Husband 1: How was your evening?
Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell
asleep. It was great! What about you?
Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because
they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to
take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have
money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour; and when
we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light
candles all over the house! After all, I was so aggravated that I
couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!

SILVERWOOD · 29th March 2011, 17:28

Kamran Akmal is such a bad wicket keeper, he can't even catch a flu. Not
even if he stood naked in sub zero temperatures in Siberia!

What do Kamran Akmal and Michael Jackson have in common? Both wear gloves
for no apparent reason.

In pin drop silence, guess who drops the pin? Kamran Akmal!

Kamran Akmal is every robber's dream, because he will never be able to
catch them.

Why did Kamran Akmal have to walk back to the team hotel after the match?
Because he failed to catch the bus!

Maybe Kamran Akmal would have been a better wicket keeper if his hands were
as big as his teeth.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind Ross Taylor, there is
Kamran Akmal.

Why is Umar Akmal the best batsman in the Akmal family? Because he got the
most chance to bat in the back yard as Kamran Akmal kept dropping him.

What do Kamran Akmal and a funnel have in common? Both let things through
easily.

Its time to drop Kamran Akmal, just so he knows how the ball feels.

If Kamran Akmal was a South American footballer, his mistakes would have
cost him his life by now.

It's Ross Taylor's birthday! Shoaib Akhtar delivered the cake, Abdul Razzaq
the candles, and Kamran Akmal blew them.

Kamran Akmal will make a very good footballer because he will never be
required to use his hands to catch the ball.

Why do parents trust their daughters with Kamran Akmal? Because they know
he will always drop them home.

Ever wondered how the third best wicket keeper in the Akmal family is the
first choice wicket keeper in the country?

If a movie were to be made starring Kamran Akmal, it title would be "The
one who dropped the ball".

What is the one thing that Kamran Akmal is really good at? Clapping!
Because he's always eager to put his hands together before the ball reaches
him.

"Kamran Akmal could be a good brand ambassador for Save Water campaign..........'Every drop counts'!
Kamran Akmal thinks that the meaning of 'wicket keeping' is to KEEP the opponent's wickets safe."

"Kamran Akmal is so immune. He didn't even catch fever!"

"If Ross Taylor was on Twitter, he would have set his background picture of Kamran Akmal"

"I hope that Kamran Akmal's wife doesn't let him hold their babies."

"The US administration will be happy to know that Raymond Davis is no longer the most hated man in Pakistan...Kamran Akmal has replaced him."

"If there is an award for generosity to the opposition in cricket, Kamran Akmal would take the award this year for the 2nd year in a row!"

"By all means Kamran Akmal is the most consistent wicket keeper in the world when you talk about dropping catches."

"Kamran Akmal's proposed autobiography tentatively titled 'Drop dead gorgeous: my life and the leaks behind the wicket'."

"Kamran Akmal has been nominated the most fierce player as he has ended the most cricket careers e.g Danish Kaneria and now Shoaib Akhtar."

RajaTaurus · 30th March 2011, 13:00

India is going to win the 2011 Cricket World Cup……101%

Want to know the reason why?

Just scroll down to see the horror

.

..

virendeR shewag

sachin tendulkAr

yuvraJ singh

gautAm gambhir

yusuf pathaN

ms dhonI

virat Kohli

harbhAjan singh

zaheer khaN

s sreesanTh

r asHwin

Jis team me Rajanikanth basa ho ……… wo team kabhi haaregi kya???

Yennaa Raaskallaaaa……….. Mind It!!!!!!!!!!

Hai kisi team me dum………….. toh jeetke dikhaau India se!!!!

mayankk · 30th March 2011, 14:10

I dont know if its been posted here but, i found this funny.
good one to dissuade people with those endless "knock knock" jokes..

"Knock-knock!"
You : "Come in"

srishiva · 30th March 2011, 14:27

Quote:

Originally Posted by GTO

Scorcher, keeping the upbeat mood after India's victory in mind, another one wouldn't be out of place, wot?

For those who don't understand Hindi : Airport taxis available THAT way

You provided translation for us, who did that for Ponting?

Go India...

mayankk · 30th March 2011, 14:30

[quote=srishiva;2297167]

Quote:

Originally Posted by GTO

Scorcher, keeping the upbeat mood after India's victory in mind, another one wouldn't be out of place, wot?

For those who don't understand Hindi : Airport taxis available THAT way

You provided translation for us, who did that for Ponting?

Go India...

that would be brett lee!!!!

bnzjon · 31st March 2011, 09:42

Collection of famous quotes by Navjot Singh Sidhu :

1. That ball went so high it could have got an air hostess down with it.

2. There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it's that of an incoming train which will run them over.

3. Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.

4. This quote was made after Ganguly called Dravid for a run and midway sent him back and Dravid was run out in the third test against the West Indies at Barbados."Ganguly has thrown a drowning man both ends of the rope."

5. Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taximeter.

6. Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide.

7. Wickets are like wives - you never know which way they will turn!

8. He is like Indian three-wheeler, which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30!

9. The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell you, my friend that the Kiwi is the only bird in the whole world, which does not have wings!

10. As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine.

11. The ball whizzes past like a bumble -bee and the Indians are in the sea.

12. The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin a haystack.

13. The pitch is as dead as a dodo.

14. Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a bar!

15. The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the cycle stand at Rajendra Talkies in Patiala one falls and everything else falls!

16. Indian team without Sachin is like giving Kiss without a Squeeze.

17. You cannot make Omelets without breaking the eggs.

18. Deep Dasgupta is not a Wicket Keeper, he is a goalkeeper. He must be given a free transfer to Manchester United.

19. He will fight a rattlesnake and give it the first two bites too.

20. One, who doesn't throw the dice, can never expect to score a six.

21. This quote was made after Eddie Nichols, the third umpire, ruled Shivnarine Chanderpaul 'NOT OUT' in the second test at Port of Spain T&T "Eddie ichols is a man who cannot find his own buttocks with his two hands."

22. Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm.

23. Nobody travels on the road to success without a puncture or two.

24. You got to choose between tightening your belt or losing your pants.

25. The cat with gloves catches no mice.

26. Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming youth.

27. You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.

28. He is like a one-legged man in a bum kicking competition.

29. The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason.

30. Kumble's bowling at the moment is flat as a Dosa.

Swanand Inamdar · 31st March 2011, 14:06

^^ Keeping the rend of Sidhuisms going - Here is a kicker (I do not know if this is true, but have been told a number of times).

(Geoff) Boycott and Sidhu were on live commentry discussing bad luck.

Boycott: Talk about bad luck. Ive seen plenty of it!
Sidhu: Geoff, your luck has been so bad, that if, you are thrown in a pool full of Nipples, you would emerge sucking your thumb!!!

PPS · 31st March 2011, 17:51

Pakistan's Punjab Chief Minister Shahbaz Sharif had promised 25 acres of land to Pakistani players if they had won the match against India, what the media did not report was if they lose they would be buried alive in the same land !

anilisanil · 1st April 2011, 12:08

Malingaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

mayankk · 1st April 2011, 12:11

Youve gotta see this....Just GOTTA!!!

http://www.excitinglives.com/magazine/elives110401.html

prince_pervez · 1st April 2011, 12:19

^^Man this is ridiculous. They forgot to mention the source of the strands.

mayankk · 1st April 2011, 12:31

^^
what about all the other stuff they have for sale!!

26th March 2011, 01:53	#4757
khoj Senior - BHPian Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Dilli Posts: 2,718 Thanked: 1,288 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread ^^+1 It is good to see the Gere fellow still spreading smiles. Saw this many many moons ago when I was in college or just out of it, wow it has been quite some time can't even recall the timeline correctly. Guess some things are time less.

28th March 2011, 09:32	#4758
v&v Senior - BHPian Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Delhi Posts: 1,545 Thanked: 1,234 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread Women VS Men Woman 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours? Woman 2: it was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours? Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale! At the same time, their husbands are talking at work. Husband 1: How was your evening? Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep. It was great! What about you? Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour; and when we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house! After all, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!

29th March 2011, 17:28	#4759
SILVERWOOD Senior - BHPian Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: BANG-A-LURE. Posts: 1,209 Thanked: 4,668 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Kamran Akmal is such a bad wicket keeper, he can't even catch a flu. Not even if he stood naked in sub zero temperatures in Siberia! What do Kamran Akmal and Michael Jackson have in common? Both wear gloves for no apparent reason. In pin drop silence, guess who drops the pin? Kamran Akmal! Kamran Akmal is every robber's dream, because he will never be able to catch them. Why did Kamran Akmal have to walk back to the team hotel after the match? Because he failed to catch the bus! Maybe Kamran Akmal would have been a better wicket keeper if his hands were as big as his teeth. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind Ross Taylor, there is Kamran Akmal. Why is Umar Akmal the best batsman in the Akmal family? Because he got the most chance to bat in the back yard as Kamran Akmal kept dropping him. What do Kamran Akmal and a funnel have in common? Both let things through easily. Its time to drop Kamran Akmal, just so he knows how the ball feels. If Kamran Akmal was a South American footballer, his mistakes would have cost him his life by now. It's Ross Taylor's birthday! Shoaib Akhtar delivered the cake, Abdul Razzaq the candles, and Kamran Akmal blew them. Kamran Akmal will make a very good footballer because he will never be required to use his hands to catch the ball. Why do parents trust their daughters with Kamran Akmal? Because they know he will always drop them home. Ever wondered how the third best wicket keeper in the Akmal family is the first choice wicket keeper in the country? If a movie were to be made starring Kamran Akmal, it title would be "The one who dropped the ball". What is the one thing that Kamran Akmal is really good at? Clapping! Because he's always eager to put his hands together before the ball reaches him. "Kamran Akmal could be a good brand ambassador for Save Water campaign..........'Every drop counts'! Kamran Akmal thinks that the meaning of 'wicket keeping' is to KEEP the opponent's wickets safe." "Kamran Akmal is so immune. He didn't even catch fever!" "If Ross Taylor was on Twitter, he would have set his background picture of Kamran Akmal" "I hope that Kamran Akmal's wife doesn't let him hold their babies." "The US administration will be happy to know that Raymond Davis is no longer the most hated man in Pakistan...Kamran Akmal has replaced him." "If there is an award for generosity to the opposition in cricket, Kamran Akmal would take the award this year for the 2nd year in a row!" "By all means Kamran Akmal is the most consistent wicket keeper in the world when you talk about dropping catches." "Kamran Akmal's proposed autobiography tentatively titled 'Drop dead gorgeous: my life and the leaks behind the wicket'." "Kamran Akmal has been nominated the most fierce player as he has ended the most cricket careers e.g Danish Kaneria and now Shoaib Akhtar." Last edited by SILVERWOOD : 29th March 2011 at 17:38.

30th March 2011, 13:00	#4760
RajaTaurus Senior - BHPian Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Tenkasi, TN Posts: 1,118 Thanked: 484 Times View My Garage	India is going to win World Cup - 101%. India is going to win the 2011 Cricket World Cup……101% Want to know the reason why? Just scroll down to see the horror . .. virendeR shewag sachin tendulkAr yuvraJ singh gautAm gambhir yusuf pathaN ms dhonI virat Kohli harbhAjan singh zaheer khaN s sreesanTh r asHwin Jis team me Rajanikanth basa ho ……… wo team kabhi haaregi kya??? Yennaa Raaskallaaaa……….. Mind It!!!!!!!!!! Hai kisi team me dum………….. toh jeetke dikhaau India se!!!!

30th March 2011, 14:10	#4761
mayankk Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: New Delhi Posts: 5,236 Thanked: 8,626 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread I dont know if its been posted here but, i found this funny. good one to dissuade people with those endless "knock knock" jokes.. "Knock-knock!" You : "Come in"

31st March 2011, 09:42	#4764
bnzjon BHPian Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Dubai Posts: 836 Thanked: 127 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread Collection of famous quotes by Navjot Singh Sidhu : 1. That ball went so high it could have got an air hostess down with it. 2. There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it's that of an incoming train which will run them over. 3. Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald. 4. This quote was made after Ganguly called Dravid for a run and midway sent him back and Dravid was run out in the third test against the West Indies at Barbados."Ganguly has thrown a drowning man both ends of the rope." 5. Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taximeter. 6. Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide. 7. Wickets are like wives - you never know which way they will turn! 8. He is like Indian three-wheeler, which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30! 9. The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell you, my friend that the Kiwi is the only bird in the whole world, which does not have wings! 10. As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine. 11. The ball whizzes past like a bumble -bee and the Indians are in the sea. 12. The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin a haystack. 13. The pitch is as dead as a dodo. 14. Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a bar! 15. The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the cycle stand at Rajendra Talkies in Patiala one falls and everything else falls! 16. Indian team without Sachin is like giving Kiss without a Squeeze. 17. You cannot make Omelets without breaking the eggs. 18. Deep Dasgupta is not a Wicket Keeper, he is a goalkeeper. He must be given a free transfer to Manchester United. 19. He will fight a rattlesnake and give it the first two bites too. 20. One, who doesn't throw the dice, can never expect to score a six. 21. This quote was made after Eddie Nichols, the third umpire, ruled Shivnarine Chanderpaul 'NOT OUT' in the second test at Port of Spain T&T "Eddie ichols is a man who cannot find his own buttocks with his two hands." 22. Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm. 23. Nobody travels on the road to success without a puncture or two. 24. You got to choose between tightening your belt or losing your pants. 25. The cat with gloves catches no mice. 26. Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming youth. 27. You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg. 28. He is like a one-legged man in a bum kicking competition. 29. The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason. 30. Kumble's bowling at the moment is flat as a Dosa.

31st March 2011, 14:06	#4765
Swanand Inamdar Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Chicago, IL Posts: 1,644 Thanked: 587 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread ^^ Keeping the rend of Sidhuisms going - Here is a kicker (I do not know if this is true, but have been told a number of times). (Geoff) Boycott and Sidhu were on live commentry discussing bad luck. Boycott: Talk about bad luck. Ive seen plenty of it! Sidhu: Geoff, your luck has been so bad, that if, you are thrown in a pool full of Nipples, you would emerge sucking your thumb!!!

31st March 2011, 17:51	#4766
PPS Senior - BHPian Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: mumbai Posts: 2,514 Thanked: 3,955 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Pakistan's Punjab Chief Minister Shahbaz Sharif had promised 25 acres of land to Pakistani players if they had won the match against India, what the media did not report was if they lose they would be buried alive in the same land !

1st April 2011, 12:08	#4767
anilisanil Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Pune Posts: 1,420 Thanked: 291 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Malingaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

1st April 2011, 12:11	#4768
mayankk Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: New Delhi Posts: 5,236 Thanked: 8,626 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread Youve gotta see this....Just GOTTA!!! http://www.excitinglives.com/magazine/elives110401.html

1st April 2011, 12:19	#4769
prince_pervez Senior - BHPian Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Redwood shores, CA, USA Posts: 4,211 Thanked: 53 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread ^^Man this is ridiculous. They forgot to mention the source of the strands.

1st April 2011, 12:31	#4770
mayankk Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: New Delhi Posts: 5,236 Thanked: 8,626 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread ^^ what about all the other stuff they have for sale!!