[Gansan]

^^ That is superb! He manages to convey the meaning, nevertheless!

[Jayabusa]

Originally Posted by Gansan

^^ That is superb! He manages to convey the meaning, nevertheless!

Exactly! Those who have command over the language often try to impress, while those who don't, just express.

[LonelyPlanet]

Got this over email

National Corruption Institute Of India (NCII)


Saturday, November 13, 2010



You’ve all heard of B-Schools. Yes the IIM and related armada of annually turned out Business School graduates who all end up working in companies which I have huge stakes in and yes the B-SCHOOL is also a distinct brand of business teaching that allows Professor Arindam Chaudhuri to dare aspiring B-Schoolers to think beyond the IIM’s and in return be rewarded with laptops (on a first come first serve basis)


The future of this country lies not in the B-School but rather in the C-SCHOOL where C stands for CORRUPTION. Apart from this Legendary Investor the next bunch of highest money makers are our politicians.

And politicians need to excel in the art and science of corruption to become successful politicians. Therefore I forecast a C-School boom much like the B-School boom so that aspiring politicians can learn the proper ways of corruption.
But no matter how many C-schools come up, none will ever match the class and academic scholarship of the World’s Best C-School: THE NATIONAL CORRUPTION INSTITUTE OF INDIA or The NCII.

Our most prestigious politicians like Shibu Soren, Sharad Pawar, Mulayam Singh, Vilasrao Deshmukh, The Reddy Brothers, Madhu Koda, Mayawati and more recently Ashok Chavan, A.Raja and Suresh Kalmadihave passed out with distinguished honors from the hallowed grounds of the NCII.
If you too want to become a successful politician then you must join the NCII.The WORLD’S GREATEST C-SCHOOL! Just check out their new advertisement for aspiring C-School applicants:

National Corruption Institute Of India (NCII)Affiliated To Indian Parliament
Listed on the World Corruption Index as the World’s Best C-School
Invites Applications for 3 Years Undergraduate Bachelors Degree in Corruption (BC).
Earn your BC from the World’s Most Reputed Institute for Corruption Studies
OUR COMPREHENSIVE SYLLABUS INCLUDES:-
Financial Theory and Practice
Transfer of funds through HAWALA for creation of MASS GHOTALA
FINANCIAL NETWORKING -Movement of money through well engineered networks between State Party Units and Central Party Unit.
Solicitation methods to increase donations towards Party Fund.
Theory and application of Popular BRIBE concepts and methods like ‘Chai Pani’, ‘Parcel’, ‘Change’, ‘Gift Box’ , ‘Color TV’, ‘Foreign Trip’ and the ever popular ‘Children’s School Fees’
Public Relations (PR) and Media Management
Learn how to be MISQUOTED BY THE MEDIA.
Learn to say the right things to be QUOTED OUT OF CONTEXT.
Excellent training in PARTY SPOKESMANOLOGY. Learn how to argue on TV with other Party people on TV like Professor Manish Tewari and Professor Ravi Shankar Prasad.

Develop public gestures like NAMASTE and HAND WAVING.

Learn the art of proving all allegations as “BASELESS AND POLITICALLY MOTIVATED”
Effectively refute STING OPERATIONS. Advanced course in proving that VIDEO FOOTAGE IS FALSE AND MANIPULATED.
Law and Order Module:

In this module you will learn how to:
Commit MURDER and RAPE
Bring LOCAL POLICE under your control
Get BAIL super fast if you are ever arrested.
Apply and get speedy ANTICIPATORY BAIL so you don’t get arrested in the first place!
FIGHT ELECTIONS FROM JAIL! Special lectures in this chapter by visiting Professors Shahbuddin and Pappu Yadav!


Advanced Riotology
Methods to build your own storage houses for HOCKEY STICKS AND WEAPONS to engineer riots.
Identify and develop your own fuel depots for easy and widespread dispersal of RIOT FRIENDLY PETROL TANKERS
Form effective partnerships with local liquor stores for easy procurement of ‘DESI DARU’ to get rioters high and ensure awesome rioting!
Full study in CONTEMPORARY BUS BURNING. New age exciting methods for INSTANTANEOUS BUS COMBUSTION.

Introductory Kashmir method of inciting riots through STONE THROWING.

Actual rioting demonstrations under the expert tutelage of Professor Pravin Togadia.
Gain Extensive Knowledge From Our Faculty Of World Class Professors . Special Courses In:
‘2G SPECTRUM – A Telecommunications Perspective’ By Professor Andimuthu Raja

‘Flat Taking From Army Jawan’ ByProfessor Ashok Chavan
‘The Correct Standard of Clean’ By Professor Lalit Bhanot
‘Sports Medal or No Medal, In Corruption Always Get Gold Medal’ By Professor Suresh Kalmadi

‘Application of Corruption on Non Human Species – Stealing Money for Cattle Fodder’ By Professor Laloo Prasad Yadav
‘Building A Corridor For The Taj Mahal Can Cost More Money That Building The Taj Mahal Itself’ By Professor Mayawati Kumari.
And Many Many More!!
SO FORGET B-SCHOOL!
BE COOL JOIN C-SCHOOL.
NCII IS THE BEST.

[ghodlur]

Hurley to bed
Hurley to rise
Keeps Warne
Healthy and
Nayyar surprised !!!!!

[SILVERWOOD]

Some more Rajnikant jokes.

Recently China airports were closed due to heavy fog. Later it was discovered that Rajnikanth was smoking in India!

Rajnikanth did his KG from seven different schools. Today those institutions are known as IITs!

The Government of India pays tax to Rajnikanth for living here!

Rajnikanth woke up one day and decided he would share one per cent of his knowledge with the world. Thus, Google was born!

What would have happened if Rajnikanth was born 150 years ago? The British would have fought for independence!

Once Rajnikanth bunked a whole day in school. Since then, that day is known as Sunday!

The Pyramids of Egypt are actually Rajnikanth's primary school craft projects!

Why did Rajnikanth buy an acre of land with four wells on each corner? To play carom!

Before Tom Cruise, Rajnikanth was approached to do Mission Impossible. He refused, because he found the title insulting!

East India Company left India in 1947, Because Rajini was supposed to be born in 1949.

Rajinikanth was offered Aamir's role in "Ghajini" but he denied. Because Rajanikanth can only give memory loss.

Genies rub Rajinikanth and he grants them three wishes.

[mayankk]

An old forward i had, from actual ATC conversations:
-
"Mumbai, what number am I in the landing sequence?"
"By the time you land, sir, you will be number one."
-------
A huge C-5 cargo plane was sitting near where a small plane was waiting to take off. The private pilot got a little nervous because the military plane was closer than normal, and asked the tower to find out the intentions of the C-5. Before the tower could reply, a voice came over the radio as the C-5's nose cargo doors opened, saying, "I'm going to eat you."
----------------
One very stormy morning, many planes were lined up on taxiways waiting for departure. A female pilot made a successful landing on a crossing runway after visibly wrestling her Flying Tiger stretched DC-8 through turbulence and blustery snow squalls, fighting it right down to the runway. An anonymous voice: "But can you park it?"
-------------------

[silversteed]

Originally Posted by mayankk

"Mumbai, what number am I in the landing sequence?"
"By the time you land, sir, you will be number one."

Reminded me of an old Microsoft joke:
There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of
very important executives on board. He was coming into Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10m visibility when his instruments went out. So he began circling around looking for landmark. After an hour or so, he starts running pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous. Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. The pilot banks the plane around, rolls down the window and shouts to the guy "Hey, where am I? To this, the solitary office worker replies "You're in a plane." The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 275 degree turn and proceeds to execute a perfect blind landing on the runway of the airport 5 miles away. Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out.

The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it. "Simple" replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct but absolutely useless, therefore that must be Microsoft's support office and from there the airport is just a while away."

Originally Posted by mayankk

"But can you park it?"

That was really funny. (No offense meant to the fairer sex)

[ghodlur]

Message from Sri Sri Ravishankar in Goa

"Having a wife is part of Living. But having girlfriend along with wife is "Art of Living"

[Technocrat]

I came across this video & it had me in splits

My Blackberry Is Not Working!

YouTube - My Blackberry Is Not Working! - The One Ronnie, Preview - BBC One

[Eddy]

^^ Thats howlarious. Goes to my FB profile.

[StarrySky]

Here are two jokes that were doing the rounds in our college. The "hero" in these jokes was one of our classmates.

1. Our hero had just returned from a local barber shop after a haircut and shave. One of his friends asked, "Why did you get a shave from the shop?". Our hero replied, "Why, what's wrong?". The friend says, "Don't you know, they don't maintain proper hygiene. They may used the same blade on you which they used on some AIDS patient. You may be infected with HIV!!", to which our hero coolly replies, "No chance, I was wearing a condom!"

2. It was exam time and our hero's least favourite subject was next. Worried that he would fail, our hero decides to take some notes with him with answers to the most expected questions. When he got the question paper, he realised with horror that it contained none of the questions that he had answers for. Not to be defeated, our hero copied all the answers that he had to his answer sheet - and then to ensure a pass, he corrected all the questions in his question paper!

[dhanushs]

We too had a similar hero, and this, really HAPPENED.

Once at college, we bunked the last hour and went to the BAR. Just after an hour, my 'friend' got a call from his home.

He kept on looking at the phone till it stopped ringing and told: Thank God, It was a MISSED CALL. .

We laugh till this day!!..

[speedmiester]

The blackberry video is awesome, had me in splits for a long time. Brilliant one.

[NetfreakBombay]

Jokes thread is perfect place for this news: Las Vegas tourist sues for refund after sex act led to 'tragic' arrest threat - Thursday, Jan. 20, 2011 | 4:29 p.m. - Las Vegas Sun

[Steve_Austin]

This one on the inflation :

Everyone's aware of the current bulb price situation in india. Guess what Bappi da has done...

Sold off his gold rings and started wearing "Onion" rings :P