The Official Joke thread

anku94 · 14th April 2011, 15:38

Want to hear the joke about the broken pencil?
.
.
.
.
.
Nevermind, it's pointless.

Spitfire · 14th April 2011, 16:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by anku94

If you found it funny, could you explain it to me ? Didn't get the last line at all.

Its what they call an anti-joke. Google for it.

mayankk · 14th April 2011, 16:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spitfire

Its what they call an anti-joke. Google for it.

egg-zhactly!!
its funny, because it isnt, see?
as a good friend of this thread once said, "englishh is a phunny language"

anku94 · 14th April 2011, 16:58

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spitfire

Its what they call an anti-joke. Google for it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mayankk

egg-zhactly!!
its funny, because it isnt, see?
as a good friend of this thread once said, "englishh is a phunny language"

Ah ! Weird.

Anyway, check this out. People are going crazy posting jokes here...

What is the funniest joke you know? Winners get dat reddit gold. : funny

mayankk · 20th April 2011, 22:49

Funny ricer. - Car Videos on StreetFire

its ALL custom!!!

Spitfire · 21st April 2011, 13:56

Hilarious..

YouTube - Loose Talk-Bangali Player 01-03

YouTube - Loose Talk-Bangali Player 02-03

YouTube - Loose Talk-Bangali Player 03-03

ajmat · 24th April 2011, 17:58

An Indian goes to Woolworth's in Australia. He finds cat food at
special prices.

He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out.

The Manager gets suspicious.

He thinks that this guy might not have a cat and will probably feed
cat food to his kids.

He asks the Indian to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food.

The Indian goes home and returns with a cat and gets to buy the cat food.

Next week the Indian finds dog food at special prices. He picks a dozen
cans of dog food and goes to check out. The Manager again gets suspicious. He
thinks that this guy may have a cat but he cannot have a dog and he will
probably feed dog food to his kids. He asks the Indian to bring and show him
the dog before he can let him have dog food. The Indian goes home and
returns with a dog. He gets to buy the dog food.

The following week the Indian comes to Woolworth's with a bag. He asks
the manager to put his hand in the bag.

The Manager puts his hand in the bag, feels some thing slimy and
immediately pulls it out. He shouts at the Indian,
"What the hell ! This is ****, you Idiot !"

The Indian calmly replies, "Yes, now may I buy some toilet paper?

ajmat · 24th April 2011, 18:29

The best explanation so far!!!

Mary is the proprietor of a bar in Dublin . She realises that virtually all of her customers are unemployed alcoholics and, as such, can no longer afford to patronise her bar. To solve this problem, she
comes up with new marketing plan that allows her customers to drink now, but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger
(thereby granting the customers loans).

Word gets around about Mary's "drink now, pay later" marketing strategy and, as a result, increasing numbers of customers flood into Mary's bar. Soon she has the largest sales volume for any bar in Dublin .

By providing her customers' freedom from immediate payment demands, Mary gets no resistance when, at regular intervals, she substantially increases her prices for wine and beer, the most consumed beverages.
Consequently, Mary's gross sales volume increases massively. A young and dynamic vice-president at the local bank recognises that these customer debts constitute valuable future assets and increases Mary's
borrowing limit. He sees no reason for any undue concern, since he has the debts of the unemployed alcoholics as collateral.

At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert traders figure a way to make huge commissions, and transform these customer loans into
DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then bundled and traded on international security markets. Naive investors don't really understand that the securities being sold to them as AAA secured bonds are really the debts of unemployed alcoholics. Nevertheless, the bond prices continuously climb, and the securities soon become the hottest-selling items for some of the nation's leading
brokerage houses.

One day, even though the bond prices are still climbing, a risk manager at the original local bank decides that the time has come to demand payment on the debts incurred by the drinkers at Mary's bar. He so informs Mary.

Mary then demands payment from her alcoholic patrons, but being unemployed alcoholics they cannot pay back their drinking debts. Since, Mary cannot fulfill her loan obligations she is forced into bankruptcy. The bar closes and the eleven employees lose their jobs.

Overnight, DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS drop in price by 90%.
The collapsed bond asset value destroys the banks liquidity and prevents it from issuing new loans, thus freezing credit and economic activity in the community.

The suppliers of Mary's bar had granted her generous payment extensions and had invested their firms' pension funds in the various BOND securities. They find they are now faced with having to write off
her bad debt and with losing over 90% of the presumed value of the bonds. Her wine supplier also claims bankruptcy, closing the doors on
a family business that had endured for three generations, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor, who immediately closes the
local plant and lays off 150 workers.

Fortunately though, the bank, the brokerage houses and their respective executives are saved and bailed out by a multi-billion euro no-strings attached cash infusion from their cronies in Government. The funds required for this bailout are obtained by new
taxes levied on employed, middle-class, non-drinkers who have never been in Mary's bar.

Now, do you understand economics in 2010?

amohit · 25th April 2011, 09:08

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spitfire

Hilarious..

OMG!!

I would love to see this guy come to india and rip one of our hindi news channel hosts.

Xehaust · 26th April 2011, 01:32

Quote:

Originally Posted by ajmat

The best explanation so far!!!

Mary is the proprietor of a bar in Dublin . She realises that virtually all of her customers are unemployed alcoholics and, as such, can no longer afford to patronise her bar. To solve this problem, she
comes up with new marketing plan that allows her customers to drink now, but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger
(thereby granting the customers loans).

The most intellectual joke ever

Also explains what MBA students are taught in finance but are till date clueless as to how the above actually happened or how it worked

vivekiny2k · 26th April 2011, 02:06

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xehaust

The most intellectual joke ever

Also explains what MBA students are taught in finance but are till date clueless as to how the above actually happened or how it worked

Even the most educated look at me like I came out of a cave when I try to explain to them why something is not right, or sustainable, or profitable in long run, forget about being ethical. The amway/quixtar schemes are a prime example.

PS: I am used to seeing the quote button there, I didn't mean to thank you for this wonderful post

Jayabusa · 26th April 2011, 12:33

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spitfire

Hilarious..

YouTube - Loose Talk-Bangali Player 01-03

YouTube - Loose Talk-Bangali Player 02-03

YouTube - Loose Talk-Bangali Player 03-03

Thanks for introducing these guys to us Spitfire.

Some incredible stuff there.

Quote:

Originally Posted by amohit

OMG!!

I would love to see this guy come to india and rip one of our hindi news channel hosts.

I discovered it's an old show...around 2004-05. Moin Akhtar(the impersonator in the above videos) is no more. The videos were posted by Spitfire on the day of his death. Saw a few other episodes too and I was more than impressed. That guy was convincing even while impersonating a woman in terms of looks and voice!! He has a legendary status in Pakistan.

anku94 · 26th April 2011, 13:30

Not strictly jokes, but entertaining all the same.

Oops. What's the most expensive mistake you've made at work? (Costs to your employer, or yourself) : AskReddit

Blue Thunder · 26th April 2011, 15:57

Quote:

Originally Posted by anku94

...."For my third wish -- and, this is the bit where I kinda messed up -- I asked for an orange for a head."

If you found it funny, could you explain it to me ? Didn't get the last line at all.

As mentioned by others, it is an anti-joke

.

Please see below blog for a detailed explanation of the same (and some really good jokes in the comments section !!! ) :

My Mind And Welcome To It: Stop Me If You've Heard This One

Xehaust · 27th April 2011, 00:54

Quote:

Originally Posted by vivekiny2k

PS: I am used to seeing the quote button there, I didn't mean to thank you for this wonderful post

Well, sometimes, things that you want to do but are hesitant to do so, happen by mistake

14th April 2011, 15:38	#4786
anku94 BHPian Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Bangalore Posts: 249 Thanked: 352 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Want to hear the joke about the broken pencil? . . . . . Nevermind, it's pointless.

20th April 2011, 22:49	#4790
mayankk Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: New Delhi Posts: 5,202 Thanked: 8,468 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread Funny ricer. - Car Videos on StreetFire its ALL custom!!!

24th April 2011, 17:58	#4792
ajmat Team-BHP Support Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Bangalore Posts: 15,067 Thanked: 29,770 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread An Indian goes to Woolworth's in Australia. He finds cat food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out. The Manager gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy might not have a cat and will probably feed cat food to his kids. He asks the Indian to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food. The Indian goes home and returns with a cat and gets to buy the cat food. Next week the Indian finds dog food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of dog food and goes to check out. The Manager again gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy may have a cat but he cannot have a dog and he will probably feed dog food to his kids. He asks the Indian to bring and show him the dog before he can let him have dog food. The Indian goes home and returns with a dog. He gets to buy the dog food. The following week the Indian comes to Woolworth's with a bag. He asks the manager to put his hand in the bag. The Manager puts his hand in the bag, feels some thing slimy and immediately pulls it out. He shouts at the Indian, "What the hell ! This is ****, you Idiot !" The Indian calmly replies, "Yes, now may I buy some toilet paper?

24th April 2011, 18:29	#4793
ajmat Team-BHP Support Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Bangalore Posts: 15,067 Thanked: 29,770 Times View My Garage	Economic Meltdown Explained The best explanation so far!!! Mary is the proprietor of a bar in Dublin . She realises that virtually all of her customers are unemployed alcoholics and, as such, can no longer afford to patronise her bar. To solve this problem, she comes up with new marketing plan that allows her customers to drink now, but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans). Word gets around about Mary's "drink now, pay later" marketing strategy and, as a result, increasing numbers of customers flood into Mary's bar. Soon she has the largest sales volume for any bar in Dublin . By providing her customers' freedom from immediate payment demands, Mary gets no resistance when, at regular intervals, she substantially increases her prices for wine and beer, the most consumed beverages. Consequently, Mary's gross sales volume increases massively. A young and dynamic vice-president at the local bank recognises that these customer debts constitute valuable future assets and increases Mary's borrowing limit. He sees no reason for any undue concern, since he has the debts of the unemployed alcoholics as collateral. At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert traders figure a way to make huge commissions, and transform these customer loans into DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then bundled and traded on international security markets. Naive investors don't really understand that the securities being sold to them as AAA secured bonds are really the debts of unemployed alcoholics. Nevertheless, the bond prices continuously climb, and the securities soon become the hottest-selling items for some of the nation's leading brokerage houses. One day, even though the bond prices are still climbing, a risk manager at the original local bank decides that the time has come to demand payment on the debts incurred by the drinkers at Mary's bar. He so informs Mary. Mary then demands payment from her alcoholic patrons, but being unemployed alcoholics they cannot pay back their drinking debts. Since, Mary cannot fulfill her loan obligations she is forced into bankruptcy. The bar closes and the eleven employees lose their jobs. Overnight, DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS drop in price by 90%. The collapsed bond asset value destroys the banks liquidity and prevents it from issuing new loans, thus freezing credit and economic activity in the community. The suppliers of Mary's bar had granted her generous payment extensions and had invested their firms' pension funds in the various BOND securities. They find they are now faced with having to write off her bad debt and with losing over 90% of the presumed value of the bonds. Her wine supplier also claims bankruptcy, closing the doors on a family business that had endured for three generations, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor, who immediately closes the local plant and lays off 150 workers. Fortunately though, the bank, the brokerage houses and their respective executives are saved and bailed out by a multi-billion euro no-strings attached cash infusion from their cronies in Government. The funds required for this bailout are obtained by new taxes levied on employed, middle-class, non-drinkers who have never been in Mary's bar. Now, do you understand economics in 2010? Last edited by ajmat : 24th April 2011 at 19:08.

26th April 2011, 13:30	#4798
anku94 BHPian Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Bangalore Posts: 249 Thanked: 352 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Not strictly jokes, but entertaining all the same. Oops. What's the most expensive mistake you've made at work? (Costs to your employer, or yourself) : AskReddit

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