The Official Joke thread

Spitfire · 12th August 2011, 21:31

Teacher: Where is the capital of India?

Student: In Switzerland....( Swiss Banks)

neofromcapone · 13th August 2011, 03:01

The current India - England Test Series should be discussed here. The way our guys are playing its a cruel joke on the fans

dre@ms · 13th August 2011, 11:29

It takes 1 Aishwarya to sell a diamond!! Whereas It takes 3 Abhishek's to sell a SIM card!!

What an Idea Sirji..!!

My Teacher pointed at me with a Ruler & said,
At the End of this Ruler is an Idiot I still don't get why I got rusticated.
I asked him, Which End Sir?

SuperSlick · 13th August 2011, 11:32

Quote:

Originally Posted by neofromcapone

The current India - England Test Series should be discussed here. The way our guys are playing its a cruel joke on the fans

The above joke posted by dhanushs fits perfectly in context to the ongoing India Vs England test series

MARCUS_520i · 14th August 2011, 15:18

Strange how nobody's gotten condored off late!

Spitfire · 15th August 2011, 18:41

On this Independence Day, let us all remember the men who struggled against the British.

i.e.
Dhoni
Laxman
Sachin
Raina
Sreesanth
Harbhajan
and the rest...

MARCUS_520i · 15th August 2011, 21:51

##########

Late one night a drunk guy is showing some friends around his brand new apartment. The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.

“What’s that gong for?” the friend asks him.

“It’s not a gong,” the drunk replies. “It’s a talking clock.”

“How does it work?”

The guy picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, “For God’s sake, you a******…it’s 3:30 in the goddamn morning!”

bond_bhai · 15th August 2011, 22:47

Onions c Bhajji b Uthappa. (Mini Indian platter)
- From Twitter!

Unknownsatan · 16th August 2011, 10:13

A USA senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4 convertible out of the car salesroom.
Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 160kmh; enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing!"

He thought as he flew down the N1, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him with blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
"I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly nutcase as he floored the accelerator to 180 mph, then 220 then 240 mph..
Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!"

So, he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a valid reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The old man, looked very seriously at the police officer, and replied.....
"Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman... I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir", said the police officer & drove off!

Recompose · 16th August 2011, 11:14

The BCCI is producing a movie with our cricket team.

Its called ''Thakaan''.

varun.ppl · 16th August 2011, 16:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unknownsatan

A USA senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4 convertible out of the car salesroom.
...
"Have a good day, Sir", said the police officer & drove off!

Unkownsatan: You have been condored!

http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/shifti...html#post63509

@Marcus_520i: Your wish is my command

Unknownsatan · 16th August 2011, 16:38

Quote:

Originally Posted by varun.ppl

Unkownsatan: You have been condored!

http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/shifti...html#post63509

Haha, i got this mail in from a colleague, found it good and posted here. Same thing with a bit of change!!

Unknownsatan · 17th August 2011, 11:21

Once a man was waiting for a taxi.
A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money. Suddenly an idea struck him.He told the beggar, "I do not have money, but if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you." "I would have bought a cup of tea", replied the beggar. The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea".
He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar.
The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health."
The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the beggar, "Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good".
The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver".
The man smiled again. He told the beggar, "I am going to the race course. Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets. If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone".
As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, "Sorry sir, I can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit."
Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his home with him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least something from the man. But he still had his doubts and asked the man, "Why do you want me to go to your house with you".

The man replied, "My wife always wanted to see how a man with no bad habits looks like."

Recompose · 17th August 2011, 11:36

American Proverb:

Mama's baby. Papa's maybe.

Recompose · 17th August 2011, 23:03

Why did the Congress Party decide to withdraw the humble 25p coin as legal currency?

"Ek Anna to sambhalta nahin, chaar anna kaise sambhalenge?"

(We cant handle a single Anna, how will we handle 4 Annas)

12th August 2011, 21:31	#4966
Spitfire BANNED Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Panaji - Goa/Bangalore - Karnataka Posts: 3,312 Thanked: 774 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Teacher: Where is the capital of India? Student: In Switzerland....( Swiss Banks)

13th August 2011, 03:01	#4967
neofromcapone BHPian Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Bombay Posts: 413 Thanked: 439 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread The current India - England Test Series should be discussed here. The way our guys are playing its a cruel joke on the fans

13th August 2011, 11:29	#4968
dre@ms BHPian Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: MADRAS Posts: 638 Thanked: 206 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread It takes 1 Aishwarya to sell a diamond!! Whereas It takes 3 Abhishek's to sell a SIM card!! What an Idea Sirji..!! My Teacher pointed at me with a Ruler & said, At the End of this Ruler is an Idiot I still don't get why I got rusticated. I asked him, Which End Sir? Last edited by dre@ms : 13th August 2011 at 11:30.

14th August 2011, 15:18	#4970
MARCUS_520i BHPian Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Mumbai Posts: 524 Thanked: 166 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Strange how nobody's gotten condored off late!

15th August 2011, 18:41	#4971
Spitfire BANNED Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Panaji - Goa/Bangalore - Karnataka Posts: 3,312 Thanked: 774 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread On this Independence Day, let us all remember the men who struggled against the British. i.e. Dhoni Laxman Sachin Raina Sreesanth Harbhajan and the rest...

15th August 2011, 21:51	#4972
MARCUS_520i BHPian Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Mumbai Posts: 524 Thanked: 166 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread ########## Late one night a drunk guy is showing some friends around his brand new apartment. The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed. “What’s that gong for?” the friend asks him. “It’s not a gong,” the drunk replies. “It’s a talking clock.” “How does it work?” The guy picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, “For God’s sake, you a******…it’s 3:30 in the goddamn morning!”

15th August 2011, 22:47	#4973
bond_bhai BHPian Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Bangalore Posts: 83 Thanked: 10 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Onions c Bhajji b Uthappa. (Mini Indian platter) - From Twitter!

16th August 2011, 10:13	#4974
Unknownsatan Senior - BHPian Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Bangalore Posts: 2,338 Thanked: 1,537 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread A USA senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4 convertible out of the car salesroom. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 160kmh; enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing!" He thought as he flew down the N1, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him with blue lights flashing and siren blaring. "I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly nutcase as he floored the accelerator to 180 mph, then 220 then 240 mph.. Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!" So, he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him. Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a valid reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go." The old man, looked very seriously at the police officer, and replied..... "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman... I thought you were bringing her back." "Have a good day, Sir", said the police officer & drove off! Last edited by Unknownsatan : 16th August 2011 at 10:27.

16th August 2011, 11:14	#4975
Recompose BHPian Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Home Posts: 180 Thanked: 106 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread The BCCI is producing a movie with our cricket team. Its called ''Thakaan''.

17th August 2011, 11:21	#4978
Unknownsatan Senior - BHPian Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Bangalore Posts: 2,338 Thanked: 1,537 Times View My Garage	A man with no bad habits Once a man was waiting for a taxi. A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money. Suddenly an idea struck him.He told the beggar, "I do not have money, but if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you." "I would have bought a cup of tea", replied the beggar. The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea". He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar. The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health." The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the beggar, "Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good". The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver". The man smiled again. He told the beggar, "I am going to the race course. Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets. If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone". As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, "Sorry sir, I can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit." Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his home with him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least something from the man. But he still had his doubts and asked the man, "Why do you want me to go to your house with you". The man replied, "My wife always wanted to see how a man with no bad habits looks like." Last edited by Unknownsatan : 17th August 2011 at 11:25.

17th August 2011, 11:36	#4979
Recompose BHPian Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Home Posts: 180 Thanked: 106 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread American Proverb: Mama's baby. Papa's maybe.

17th August 2011, 23:03	#4980
Recompose BHPian Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Home Posts: 180 Thanked: 106 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Why did the Congress Party decide to withdraw the humble 25p coin as legal currency? "Ek Anna to sambhalta nahin, chaar anna kaise sambhalenge?" (We cant handle a single Anna, how will we handle 4 Annas)