The Official Joke thread

bluevolt · 2nd October 2011, 00:58

NEW WEDDING STYLE....

PRIEST: Do you agree to change your facebook status from single to married?

BOY: Yes!
GIRL: Yes!

PRIEST: I now pronounce you as Husband and Wife. Congratulations, You
may now upload your wedding pictures and don't forget to tag me

dhanushs · 2nd October 2011, 01:36

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluevolt

NEW WEDDING STYLE....

PRIEST: Do you agree to change your facebook status from single to married?

BOY: Yes!
GIRL: Yes!

PRIEST: I now pronounce you as Husband and Wife. Congratulations, You
may now upload your wedding pictures and don't forget to tag me

I think the original version was:

"Now you many poke the bride. Please upload the wedding photos, and dont forget to tag me."

.

Scorcher · 2nd October 2011, 17:53

This man has evoked some serious reputation for him

bluevolt · 2nd October 2011, 18:13

The Best line which helps to save Money when going out on a Dinner with your Girl Friend, "Bol Kya Khayegi Moti ?"

mallumowgli · 2nd October 2011, 19:52

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluevolt

The Best line which helps to save Money when going out on a Dinner with your Girl Friend, "Bol Kya Khayegi Moti ?"

Yes you are right - it also ensures you never get to go out with your girlfriend again! Savings for life!!

Scorcher · 3rd October 2011, 08:01

ROFL!

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mayankk · 3rd October 2011, 10:34

Quote:

Originally Posted by mallumowgli

Yes you are right - it also ensures you never get to go out with your girlfriend again! Savings for life!!

yup.
A 100 bucks saved in that moment will last you for the remaining 10 minutes of life youll have left...

dhanushs · 3rd October 2011, 10:58

Girl - My Ex- Boylfriend's Status On Facebook Says- "Standing On The Edge of A Bridge..."
Friend - So What Did You Comment?
Girl - Nothing.., I Just Poked Him !!

typeOnegative · 3rd October 2011, 15:44

Don't know if this is funny, but, I guess even English speakers make mistakes.

mayankk · 3rd October 2011, 15:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by typeOnegative

Don't know if this is funny, but, I guess even English speakers make mistakes.

Its american colloquial.
"who' have thunk it?"
quite a popular phrase.
like "all your bases are belong to us"
(second one is not american per se, but has seeped in)

typeOnegative · 3rd October 2011, 15:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by mayankk

Its american colloquial.
"who' have thunk it?"
quite a popular phrase.
like "all your bases are belong to us"
(second one is not american per se, but has seeped in)

So Americans do not speak English. My mistake.

Scorcher · 3rd October 2011, 19:29

Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is Two Hearts and a Diamond, By the end you wish you had a Club and a Spade

anekho · 3rd October 2011, 20:41

Save trees. Eat Woodpeckers!

ashis89 · 3rd October 2011, 22:05

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE and FEMALE procedures have been developed.
Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender:
MALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

IronH4WK · 3rd October 2011, 23:23

Quote:

Originally Posted by ashis89

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

....

you're hereby condored! i think it was posted a few pages back by Scorcher

2nd October 2011, 00:58	#5266
bluevolt Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: New Delhi Posts: 3,256 Thanked: 3,323 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread NEW WEDDING STYLE.... PRIEST: Do you agree to change your facebook status from single to married? BOY: Yes! GIRL: Yes! PRIEST: I now pronounce you as Husband and Wife. Congratulations, You may now upload your wedding pictures and don't forget to tag me

2nd October 2011, 17:53	#5268
Scorcher Senior - BHPian Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Trivandrum, KL Posts: 4,894 Thanked: 6,725 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread This man has evoked some serious reputation for him Attached Images

2nd October 2011, 18:13	#5269
bluevolt Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: New Delhi Posts: 3,256 Thanked: 3,323 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread The Best line which helps to save Money when going out on a Dinner with your Girl Friend, "Bol Kya Khayegi Moti ?"

3rd October 2011, 08:01	#5271
Scorcher Senior - BHPian Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Trivandrum, KL Posts: 4,894 Thanked: 6,725 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread ROFL!

3rd October 2011, 10:58	#5273
dhanushs Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Bathery/BLR Posts: 3,892 Thanked: 7,499 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread Girl - My Ex- Boylfriend's Status On Facebook Says- "Standing On The Edge of A Bridge..." Friend - So What Did You Comment? Girl - Nothing.., I Just Poked Him !!

3rd October 2011, 15:44	#5274
typeOnegative Senior - BHPian Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Vikhroli, Mumbai, India Posts: 1,502 Thanked: 22 Times	Sink -> Sunk, Think -> ? Don't know if this is funny, but, I guess even English speakers make mistakes. Attached Images

3rd October 2011, 19:29	#5277
Scorcher Senior - BHPian Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Trivandrum, KL Posts: 4,894 Thanked: 6,725 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is Two Hearts and a Diamond, By the end you wish you had a Club and a Spade

3rd October 2011, 20:41	#5278
anekho Senior - BHPian Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: . Posts: 1,994 Thanked: 667 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Save trees. Eat Woodpeckers!

3rd October 2011, 22:05	#5279
ashis89 Senior - BHPian Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Bengaluru Posts: 2,299 Thanked: 4,248 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE and FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender: *MALE PROCEDURE* 1. Drive up to the cash machine. 2. Put down your car window. 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt. 6. Put window up. 7. Drive off. *FEMALE PROCEDURE* 1. Drive up to cash machine. 2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine. 3. Set parking brake, put the window down. 4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card. 5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up. 6. Attempt to insert card into machine. 7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car. 8. Insert card. 9. Re-insert card the right way. 10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page. 11. Enter PIN. 12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN. 13. Enter amount of cash required. 14. Check makeup in rear view mirror. 15. Retrieve cash and receipt. 16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside. 17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook. 18. Re-check makeup. 19. Drive forward 2 feet. 20. Reverse back to cash machine. 21. Retrieve card. 22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided. 23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you. 24. Restart stalled engine and pull off. 25. Redial person on cell phone. 26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles. 27. Release Parking Brake.

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