The Official Joke thread

Added_flavor · 19th September 2011, 22:32

This ones from a friends Facebook page!

Congress did keep up it's promise. India's GDP grew tremendously. Gas, diesel and petrol!

bluevolt · 20th September 2011, 15:31

HEIGHT OF STUDYING....!

Policeman saw a class 12 science student crying...:-(

Policeman: what is the matter boy.?
.
.
.

Boy: "matter is anything that occupies space and has mass.!

__________________________________________________ ___________

3 Reasons 2 Give Exam

1. You Can Spend 3 Hours In Self Meditation.

2. You Can Complete your Sleep.

3. You Can See your Teachers Being Bored Who Usually Bore you

Unknownsatan · 20th September 2011, 16:18

Once a Smoker was smoking at the airport.

A gentleman came & asked him. How much do you smoke a day?

Smoker:- Why are you asking such question?

Gentleman :-If you had collected that money instead of smoking, the plane which is in front of you, would have been yours.

Smoker asked that gentleman:- Do you smoke? Gentleman:-No.

Smoker asked:- does that plane belong to you?

Gentleman: - No.

Smoker:-Thanks for your kind advice, but that plane is mine

[Smoker'sName-Vijay Mallya].

Moral of the Story:-Unnecessary advice is injurious to health…

Jayabusa · 20th September 2011, 23:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unknownsatan

Once a Smoker was smoking at the airport.

A gentleman came & asked him. How much do you smoke a day?

Smoker:- Why are you asking such question?

Gentleman :-If you had collected that money instead of smoking, the plane which is in front of you, would have been yours.

Smoker asked that gentleman:- Do you smoke? Gentleman:-No.

Smoker asked:- does that plane belong to you?

Gentleman: - No.

Smoker:-Thanks for your kind advice, but that plane is mine

[Smoker'sName-Vijay Mallya].

Moral of the Story:-Unnecessary advice is injurious to health…

So, after 'injuring' livers, he plans to move on to lungs, eh?

salbin · 21st September 2011, 00:06

Trunk monkey!! Full suburban commercial, Funny Monkeys!!

Trunk monkey- Full suburban commercial, Funny Monkeys!!!!!!! - YouTube

Scorcher · 21st September 2011, 10:16

Dear Grand-son,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just came from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed. I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn’t notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn’t honked, I’d never have noticed. I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, For the love of God! Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO! What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people
. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach. I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back. My grandson burst out laughing. Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved at all my brothers and sisters grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared. So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!! Will write again soon.

Love,
Grandma

bluevolt · 21st September 2011, 16:07

Teacher Writes on Board

2 x 2 x 6 /(8+21) 6x9

And calls a student to board saying "solve the problem!"

.

.

.
.

.

.

Student got up and erased the board!!!!!!!!!!

Problem solved

__________________________________________________ __

Teacher: Tum bade hokar kya karoge?
Student: Facebooking Karunga !!

T: Nahi, mera matlab hai kya banoge?
S: Facebook pages ka Admin banunga
...
T: Ohoo, I mean bade hokar kya hasil karoge?
S: Facebook Admin Rights

T: IDIOT! Mera mtlb bade ho kar mummy papa k liye kya karoge?
S: Facebook par Page bnaunga 'HI MOM & DAD'

T: Stupid tumhare papa tumse kya chahte h ?
S: Mere Facebook ka Password

T: Oh God,tumari zindagi ka kya maksad hai?
S: Facebook,but never Face ur Book

Scorcher · 21st September 2011, 17:18

This one's dedicated to all those wannabe Americans out there!

How Stupid Americans Really Are! - YouTube

dre@ms · 21st September 2011, 17:26

One night 4 college students were playing till late night and could not study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.

In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty with grease and dirt. They then went up to The Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tire of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.

So the Dean said they could have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they would be ready by that time. On the third day they appeared before the Dean.. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test... They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.

The Test consisted of 2 questions with a total of 100 Marks.

Q.1. Your Name........ ......... ......... .. (2 MARKS)

Q.2. Which tire burst? (98 MARKS)
A) Front Left
B) Front Right
C) Back Left
D) Back Right.....!! !

True story from IIT Bombay ...Batch 1992

BaCkSeAtDrIVeR · 21st September 2011, 20:07

dre@ms - probably true story, but it was reported in the Reader's Digest sometime in 1980s.

anekho · 21st September 2011, 23:46

Off twitter:

"Marraige is like a game of poker: you start with a pair, end with a full house"

mayankk · 22nd September 2011, 13:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by BaCkSeAtDrIVeR

dre@ms - probably true story, but it was reported in the Reader's Digest sometime in 1980s.

Yup, and considering that these guys NEVER concur on which tyre, they keep flunking, and bouncing around trying to get an education at harvard, then yale, then IITs, a few IIMs etc etc...

They should have decided after the first flunk that, "rear right, ok?rear right!!"

By the by, did anyone scream "copycat" when they saw the new Laura VRS print ad today?
compared to Suzuki's "butter, meet hot knife" advert?
I did..

dre@ms · 22nd September 2011, 13:31

Quote:

Originally Posted by BaCkSeAtDrIVeR

dre@ms - probably true story, but it was reported in the Reader's Digest sometime in 1980s.

WOW!! Hail your memory power.
After reading it, thinking of the spontaneity of the dean rather than the students.

bluevolt · 22nd September 2011, 14:27

5 things Indian movies taught us:

1.Atleast one of the identical twins born is evil..!!

2.While defusing a bomb,don't worry which wire to cut,you will always choose the right one!!

3.A hero will show no pain while getting beaten up but will show pain when a woman is trying to clean his wound..!!

4.A police can solve a case only when he is suspended from duty..!!

5.(Best of all)If you decide to start dancing on street,everyone you meet will know the step..!!

ch.nathan · 22nd September 2011, 14:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scorcher

This one's dedicated to all those wannabe Americans out there!

ROFL.. Couldn't stop laughing.. One of the best I've watched in avery long time!!!

20th September 2011, 15:31	#5162
bluevolt Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: New Delhi Posts: 3,274 Thanked: 3,474 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread HEIGHT OF STUDYING....! Policeman saw a class 12 science student crying...:-( Policeman: what is the matter boy.? . . . Boy: "matter is anything that occupies space and has mass.! __________________________________________________ ___________ 3 Reasons 2 Give Exam 1. You Can Spend 3 Hours In Self Meditation. 2. You Can Complete your Sleep. 3. You Can See your Teachers Being Bored Who Usually Bore you Last edited by GTO : 22nd September 2011 at 15:44. Reason: No SMS language, even in jokes. Thanks

20th September 2011, 16:18	#5163
Unknownsatan Senior - BHPian Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Bangalore Posts: 2,338 Thanked: 1,537 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread Once a Smoker was smoking at the airport. A gentleman came & asked him. How much do you smoke a day? Smoker:- Why are you asking such question? Gentleman :-If you had collected that money instead of smoking, the plane which is in front of you, would have been yours. Smoker asked that gentleman:- Do you smoke? Gentleman:-No. Smoker asked:- does that plane belong to you? Gentleman: - No. Smoker:-Thanks for your kind advice, but that plane is mine [Smoker'sName-Vijay Mallya]. Moral of the Story:-Unnecessary advice is injurious to health… Last edited by Unknownsatan : 20th September 2011 at 16:23.

21st September 2011, 10:16	#5166
Scorcher Senior - BHPian Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Trivandrum, KL Posts: 4,918 Thanked: 7,124 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Dear Grand-son, The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just came from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, am I glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed. I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn’t notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn’t honked, I’d never have noticed. I found that lots of people love Jesus! While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, For the love of God! Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO! What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people . I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach. I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back. My grandson burst out laughing. Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!! A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved at all my brothers and sisters grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared. So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!! Will write again soon. Love, Grandma

21st September 2011, 16:07	#5167
bluevolt Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: New Delhi Posts: 3,274 Thanked: 3,474 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread Teacher Writes on Board 2 x 2 x 6 /(8+21) 6x9 And calls a student to board saying "solve the problem!" . . . . . . Student got up and erased the board!!!!!!!!!! Problem solved __________________________________________________ __ Teacher: Tum bade hokar kya karoge? Student: Facebooking Karunga !! T: Nahi, mera matlab hai kya banoge? S: Facebook pages ka Admin banunga ... T: Ohoo, I mean bade hokar kya hasil karoge? S: Facebook Admin Rights T: IDIOT! Mera mtlb bade ho kar mummy papa k liye kya karoge? S: Facebook par Page bnaunga 'HI MOM & DAD' T: Stupid tumhare papa tumse kya chahte h ? S: Mere Facebook ka Password T: Oh God,tumari zindagi ka kya maksad hai? S: Facebook,but never Face ur Book Last edited by bluevolt : 21st September 2011 at 16:11.

21st September 2011, 17:26	#5169
dre@ms BHPian Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: MADRAS Posts: 638 Thanked: 206 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread One night 4 college students were playing till late night and could not study for the test which was scheduled for the next day. In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty with grease and dirt. They then went up to The Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tire of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test. So the Dean said they could have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they would be ready by that time. On the third day they appeared before the Dean.. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test... They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days. The Test consisted of 2 questions with a total of 100 Marks. Q.1. Your Name........ ......... ......... .. (2 MARKS) Q.2. Which tire burst? (98 MARKS) A) Front Left B) Front Right C) Back Left D) Back Right.....!! ! True story from IIT Bombay ...Batch 1992

19th September 2011, 22:32	#5161
Added_flavor BHPian Join Date: May 2011 Location: Bangalore Posts: 844 Thanked: 2,782 Times View My Garage	This ones from a friends Facebook page! Congress did keep up it's promise. India's GDP grew tremendously. Gas, diesel and petrol!

21st September 2011, 20:07	#5170
BaCkSeAtDrIVeR BANNED Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Kochi Posts: 2,522 Thanked: 752 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread dre@ms - probably true story, but it was reported in the Reader's Digest sometime in 1980s.

21st September 2011, 23:46	#5171
anekho Senior - BHPian Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: . Posts: 1,995 Thanked: 684 Times	Off twitter: "Marraige is like a game of poker: you start with a pair, end with a full house"

22nd September 2011, 14:27	#5174
bluevolt Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: New Delhi Posts: 3,274 Thanked: 3,474 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread 5 things Indian movies taught us: 1.Atleast one of the identical twins born is evil..!! 2.While defusing a bomb,don't worry which wire to cut,you will always choose the right one!! 3.A hero will show no pain while getting beaten up but will show pain when a woman is trying to clean his wound..!! 4.A police can solve a case only when he is suspended from duty..!! 5.(Best of all)If you decide to start dancing on street,everyone you meet will know the step..!! Last edited by bblost : 22nd September 2011 at 15:00. Reason: Joke #2 was deleted as it was not written in English. Thanks.