The Official Joke thread

akj53 · 10th September 2011, 23:47

Quote:

Originally Posted by BaCkSeAtDrIVeR

You are, obviously, married. (like me).

Yes. A long time sufferer of 30 years. Sigh

May I request you to please change your nick name, as married men are "Back seat driven" by you-know-whom.

Turbanator · 11th September 2011, 21:43

Quote:

The Monkey Business

Quote:

Welcome to the "Stock" Market!!

Have a look specially after 5 minute onwards

Full Tension_Money Matters_2 (last) - YouTube

dre@ms · 12th September 2011, 11:23

John and his wife got married for 60 years and had never quarreled or even had a bad day together. Many people were always admired his marriage and one day a magazine decided to have an interview with John about his secrets of a happy marriage.

John Said:

Well it happened 60 years ago on our honey moon. My wife and I were riding on a horse cross a vine yard while suddenly my wife’s horse tripled and my wife fell. My lovely wife stood up with a happy face not angry but just said one word “ONCE”. She continued to ride the horse with me. After a few more minutes the horse tripled again now it’s the 2nd time but my wife still with a lovely face said only one word “TWICE” and got up on the horse again. While we were heading back home the horse tripled again. Again my wife show her lovely face but this time she took out a gun in her purse and “BANG!” she shot the horse and the horse died.

Well I was shocked on her reactions and shouted “Have you gone MAD!? Why did you shoot that horse!?”. My wife looked at me with a happy face and said one word “ONCE”.

From that day onwards we never quarreled and that’s how our marriage lasted peacefully for 60 years till now.

--------------

Test/exercise for the Bhpians.

This is a test from an orthopedic surgeon. It will confuse your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can’t. It's pre programmed in your brain!

1. While sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number ’6' in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.

There’s nothing you can do about it!

myavu · 12th September 2011, 12:06

Quote:

Originally Posted by dre@ms

Test/exercise for the Bhpians.

This is a test from an orthopedic surgeon. It will confuse your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can’t. It's pre programmed in your brain!

1. While sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number ’6' in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.

There’s nothing you can do about it!

That reminded me Mallu movie "Pranchiyettan & the Saint". Even the Saint failed to do so.

Cheers!

Vinu

SuperSlick · 12th September 2011, 12:57

Guys..this joke is intended just for fun! Not sure if this lesson has already been taught in any of the previous pages though!

"Management Lesson Number One"

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"

The crow answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

watfor · 12th September 2011, 16:01

Quote:

Test/exercise for the Bhpians.

This is a test from an orthopedic surgeon. It will confuse your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can’t. It's pre programmed in your brain!

1. While sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number ’6' in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.

There’s nothing you can do about it!

Does this not depend on the starting point for writing 6? if I starting 6 from the inside, the direction stays the same.

But yes, i get the point.

driving_smartly · 12th September 2011, 16:38

Girl Friend setting password for her Laptop with Boy Friend sitting beside her.

She types "BRAIN" as password.

BoyFriend fell off his chair Laughing b'coz Laptop replied: "TOO SMALL"

shamik.bose · 12th September 2011, 16:44

Quote:

Originally Posted by driving_smartly

Girl Friend setting password for her Laptop with Boy Friend sitting beside her.

She types "BRAIN" as password.

BoyFriend fell off his chair Laughing b'coz Laptop replied: "TOO SMALL"

It wasn't brain, was it?

SuperSlick · 12th September 2011, 18:51

Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts it's 1 leg and says "chal" - it walks.

He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said "chal" - it walks.

He cuts all the legs and said "chal..." Finally he wrote the conclusion...

"After all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf"

Bolo Tararara!!

chakri400 · 12th September 2011, 23:00

Spontaneous comedy on my way to office in my office shuttle:

Lead Characters: Office colleagues - Ravi, Geo, Anu, Chakri
Scene: All of them in the morning shuttle to office. Ravi has chronic allergy to pollen. A homeopath prescribed a set of pills to Ravi for relief. Ravi enters the shuttle with stuffed nose (apparently fine the day before). He opens a set of boxes and starts downing pills. On seeing this:
Geo: What are you taking?
Anu chips in for Ravi: Steroids… (mild laugh from the gang )
Ravi further clarifies: Performance enhancing drugs… (Increased laughter )
Chakri: Isn’t it a wrong time… should have taken in the night (mild laugh )
Ravi: I have a 1:1 with my manager today … (Laugh riot

)

Scorcher · 13th September 2011, 01:25

Belated Happy Onam wishes to all. If you were too caught up with work to have Sadya (Onam Feast), here is a simpler way.

World super funny video on the onam television shooting - YouTube

ArizonaJim · 13th September 2011, 10:50

Two ropes were slithering down the street talking about how hot it was.

One rope said,
"A nice big iced drink would sure taste good and I see a pub just ahead."

The other rope said,
"Let's go in when we get there!"

After entering the pub, the ropes slithered up onto the bar but the bartender pointed to a sign on the wall that said, "NO ROPES ALLOWED", and told the ropes to leave immediately.

Back out on the street one rope said,
"I have an idea."
With that, he slithered out into the street where he was immediately run over by 7 cars and 3 motorcycles.

He then twisted and turned his tattered and torn body around and over and thru and over and around himself and then slithered back into the pub.

As he slowly slithering back up onto the bar the bartender saw him and said,
"Hey you! Are you a rope?"

The rope said,
"No. I'm afraid not."

(a frayed knot)

-------------------
Auto names?

FIAT = Fix It Again Tony.

Urban_Nomad · 13th September 2011, 15:57

From "Everybody Loves Raymond":

(Robert narrating)

So, a very old man was sitting on a park bench, crying inconsolably. A stranger walking by stops and asks the old man why he was crying? What was wrong?

The old man said - "I have a 25 year old wife who loves me, I drive a Ferrari and live in a house thats like a palace".

The stranger asks - so why are you crying then?

The old man howled - I FORGOT WHERE I LIVE.

anilisanil · 13th September 2011, 16:13

Quote:

Originally Posted by Urban_Nomad

From "Everybody Loves Raymond":

(Robert narrating)

So, a very old man was sitting on a park bench, crying inconsolably. A stranger walking by stops and asks the old man why he was crying? What was wrong?

The old man said - "I have a 25 year old wife who loves me, I drive a Ferrari and live in a house thats like a palace".

The stranger asks - so why are you crying then?

The old man howled - I FORGOT WHERE I LIVE.

LOL!!

A classic case of remembering all the wrong things and forgetting things that matter

Urban_Nomad · 13th September 2011, 17:03

Quote:

Originally Posted by anilisanil

LOL!!

A classic case of remembering all the wrong things and forgetting things that matter

Ya, like remembering the beautiful smile of one's business client, but forgetting to send her the project status report on time.

12th September 2011, 11:23	#5088
dre@ms BHPian Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: MADRAS Posts: 638 Thanked: 206 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread John and his wife got married for 60 years and had never quarreled or even had a bad day together. Many people were always admired his marriage and one day a magazine decided to have an interview with John about his secrets of a happy marriage. John Said: Well it happened 60 years ago on our honey moon. My wife and I were riding on a horse cross a vine yard while suddenly my wife’s horse tripled and my wife fell. My lovely wife stood up with a happy face not angry but just said one word “ONCE”. She continued to ride the horse with me. After a few more minutes the horse tripled again now it’s the 2nd time but my wife still with a lovely face said only one word “TWICE” and got up on the horse again. While we were heading back home the horse tripled again. Again my wife show her lovely face but this time she took out a gun in her purse and “BANG!” she shot the horse and the horse died. Well I was shocked on her reactions and shouted “Have you gone MAD!? Why did you shoot that horse!?”. My wife looked at me with a happy face and said one word “ONCE”. From that day onwards we never quarreled and that’s how our marriage lasted peacefully for 60 years till now. -------------- Test/exercise for the Bhpians. This is a test from an orthopedic surgeon. It will confuse your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can’t. It's pre programmed in your brain! 1. While sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles. 2. Now, while doing this, draw the number ’6' in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction. There’s nothing you can do about it! Last edited by dre@ms : 12th September 2011 at 11:32.

12th September 2011, 12:57	#5090
SuperSlick BHPian Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Chennai Posts: 200 Thanked: 95 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Guys..this joke is intended just for fun! Not sure if this lesson has already been taught in any of the previous pages though! "Management Lesson Number One" A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

12th September 2011, 16:38	#5092
driving_smartly BHPian Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: MH43 & MH14 Posts: 518 Thanked: 305 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread Girl Friend setting password for her Laptop with Boy Friend sitting beside her. She types "BRAIN" as password. BoyFriend fell off his chair Laughing b'coz Laptop replied: "TOO SMALL"

12th September 2011, 18:51	#5094
SuperSlick BHPian Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Chennai Posts: 200 Thanked: 95 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts it's 1 leg and says "chal" - it walks. He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said "chal" - it walks. He cuts all the legs and said "chal..." Finally he wrote the conclusion... "After all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf" Bolo Tararara!!

12th September 2011, 23:00	#5095
chakri400 BHPian Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Bangalore Posts: 201 Thanked: 155 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Spontaneous comedy on my way to office in my office shuttle: Lead Characters: Office colleagues - Ravi, Geo, Anu, Chakri Scene: All of them in the morning shuttle to office. Ravi has chronic allergy to pollen. A homeopath prescribed a set of pills to Ravi for relief. Ravi enters the shuttle with stuffed nose (apparently fine the day before). He opens a set of boxes and starts downing pills. On seeing this: Geo: What are you taking? Anu chips in for Ravi: Steroids… (mild laugh from the gang ) Ravi further clarifies: Performance enhancing drugs… (Increased laughter ) Chakri: Isn’t it a wrong time… should have taken in the night (mild laugh ) Ravi: I have a 1:1 with my manager today … (Laugh riot ) Last edited by Technocrat : 12th September 2011 at 23:02. Reason: only 2 smilies per post allowed, please read the board rules before proceeding, thanks

13th September 2011, 10:50	#5097
ArizonaJim Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Phoenix, Ariz. Posts: 1,200 Thanked: 2,837 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Two ropes were slithering down the street talking about how hot it was. One rope said, "A nice big iced drink would sure taste good and I see a pub just ahead." The other rope said, "Let's go in when we get there!" After entering the pub, the ropes slithered up onto the bar but the bartender pointed to a sign on the wall that said, "NO ROPES ALLOWED", and told the ropes to leave immediately. Back out on the street one rope said, "I have an idea." With that, he slithered out into the street where he was immediately run over by 7 cars and 3 motorcycles. He then twisted and turned his tattered and torn body around and over and thru and over and around himself and then slithered back into the pub. As he slowly slithering back up onto the bar the bartender saw him and said, "Hey you! Are you a rope?" The rope said, "No. I'm afraid not." (a frayed knot) ------------------- Auto names? FIAT = Fix It Again Tony.

13th September 2011, 15:57	#5098
Urban_Nomad Senior - BHPian Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Delhi Posts: 1,631 Thanked: 2,388 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread From "Everybody Loves Raymond": *(Robert narrating)* So, a very old man was sitting on a park bench, crying inconsolably. A stranger walking by stops and asks the old man why he was crying? What was wrong? The old man said - "I have a 25 year old wife who loves me, I drive a Ferrari and live in a house thats like a palace". The stranger asks - so why are you crying then? The old man howled - I FORGOT WHERE I LIVE.